this is when . . .I NEED you. . . (MOST)

Your eyes make me weak inside,
Thoughts instantly banish in the sight of your eyes that make me melt.
So fucking beautiful.
As I hold you through moments that pass to quickly,
I never, ever want to let you go.
I want to breathe in your scent till the ends of time.
My insecurities show clear when I stand next to you.
Each chocolate devoured adds to guilt.
I’ll never be worthy, why even try?

As my head rests on your collarbone,
I restrain tears from falling on your shoulder.
Oh how much I love you.
So young, so overwhelmed.
I need you like summer depends on winter.
Like sweet requires savoury.

Reading books of romance only remind me of everything about you.
As I lay still in the cold of night,
Memories of you stream through my subconscious.
Moments make my heart pump faster,
Unspoken desires bring a scarlet to my cheeks.

And as I undress,
Slowly tracing your touch tainted by clothing.
Yet it still lays there, heavy.

My heart struggles with distance,
Logic unable to contain desperation.

This is when I need you most.
In the dark of night, when my fears arrive and multiply,
this is when I need you most.
When I lose myself in weakness, when I succumb to the gleaming razor I hold in my hand,
this is when I need you most.
When  I am silent, when a noise doesn’t leave my mouth, when depression takes a hushed victory,
this is when I need you most.
When I am without you, this is when I need you most.

I miss you to the end of the world and back again,
And yet you never seem to miss me back.
Almost as your side of love is just a nicely fabricated cut-out of hollowed emotions.
Do you ever care?

Every chance I take, with every shard of heart I risk, you take one step back.
I warned you I’m clingly.
Yet you said that it didn’t matter, you said you wanted me too.
Well now the regret of swallowed belief is choking me.
I ingest each shinning untruth.
Each words twisted to sound like you meant it.
How you deceived me when my guard was up so high.

And now your eyes are bitter knives.
Now your words are harsh blades.
Now your perfection is engraving deep punctures in my ugly canvas of a body.

And when I feel like this,
And when the sun burns out,
When the tears drown me,
When  hope perishes with torn dreams,
When broken hearts fail to repatch,
When I am haunted with the frostiness of loneliness,
When I close my eyes, letting despair manipulate me,

This is when I need you most…
And this is when I need you…
This is when I need…
This is when…
...I need you…