Hearts grew bigger than bodies,
under our palms
we melted the thickness of glass,
no other world existed
just a wish to touch.
Lips sharing shaped words of vows,
in my head a voice calling me
silently screaming.
Air, thick as oil wrapped me,
your paces slow, heavy as lead.
Battling a wish
my fingers pressed invisible petals to tears,
a few steps backwards... and I had to go.
I felt your gaze sliding down my back,
a waterfall of shivers.
Frisky locks of my wild hair
subdued and shaped with your fingers
still played around my neck.
Author notes
Sonja @~~~
In a list
A contest entry
- Return of The Cricket by B Chandler.
900 points, ended October 27, 2008, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Cinematic Inspiration Meditations by almost alex.
850 points, ended January 13, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Be published in the next Allpoetry Book! Theme: Grief by Kevin.
800 points, ended May 15, 111 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
-
Love the line "waterfall of shivers" and I almost felt one a couple of times reading this. I think its great. I usually try to leave constructive criticism, but I personally dont see a whole lot of room for improvement and I do think it suits my contest, vague as my prompts were. Love at a truly poetic level, fraught but beautiful.
Thanks -
-
Thanks to you almost alex. With your comment you left me out of words.
~Sonja~
-
-
Cricket
-
not only your poetry is beautiful..your strength as an artist to create the wonderful visuals around the words is your another skill..that is praise worthy...
-
"Hearts grew bigger than bodies,
under our palms"
Sighhh, that is lovely. The idea of the heart and/or love becoming bigger than we are.
I did stumble on the line "Lips sharing shaped words of vows," - it just seems a little cluttered. I think you could get away with "lips sharing vows", it's much more clean cut.
This poem reminded me of touching through glass, the notion that distance can be felt when things are still near, and you can see them but can't quite reach. This is wonderful poetry.
Thank you for sharing
-
-
You stumbled on shaped words of vows? lol Did you ever tried to talk to somebody through the glass? When you can't hear you are trying to shape words with your lips. Thanks dear Allyce for your great comment.
~Sonja!
-
-
"I felt your gaze sliding down my back,
a waterfall of shivers."
I just loved those lines, Sonja - and of course the closing lines; you always have some of the most wonderful closing lines that I've read here on AP. I really liked your take on the distance prompt...distance that are transparent, yet still are still there...just out of reach. Yes, don't I know those distances so well too. Lovely poetry - thank you for sharing it with us in the contest.
~ Nicolette
-
-
Recently I am pretty short with time but your contests are always a great inspiration.
~Sonja~
-
-
"Frisky locks of my wild hair
subdued and shaped with your fingers
still played around my neck."
a wonderful feeling & imagery...beautiful poetry, as always...
-
-
My dear friend, thank you for your always great and friendly support. Recently I was very busy and had no time to spent on this site, but when I will be able to "stretch" my day and to fix up my other duties you will be one of the first whose poetry I will read.
-
-
What Can I Say
Beautiful - Like I said before - I like your style - the message excites - Bless God - Joe - (Dobar Dan) ----------------------------------------------------- hagd
-
-
Now you again makes me to blush. I am glad that you like it.
-
-
Have A great Day
Hugs
-
-
-
Now this is distance
so near that it cannot be touched. I just love this. Frans
-
-
Well, yes, you are right. the most painful distance except death. Thank you Frans.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 15 of 15
