breaking
be tween structure
to
be be
neath ray
dar win
ter minal
theory and allegory
the and in hand
re fuse to sit
but the y break
bread
jaws pushed for ward
ready
ever
with tongue tight
again st teeth
logic
all ways interjects
emitts
static sound
pitch
perfect
itch
in fect leave no thing to man s cience
wear the voice resembles can
non fire
all the why le standing
with jaw jut ting to ward angular speech
a meal is better when
the guess ts go miss ing
be tween structure
to
be be
neath ray
dar win
ter minal
theory and allegory
the and in hand
re fuse to sit
but the y break
bread
jaws pushed for ward
ready
ever
with tongue tight
again st teeth
logic
all ways interjects
emitts
static sound
pitch
perfect
itch
in fect leave no thing to man s cience
wear the voice resembles can
non fire
all the why le standing
with jaw jut ting to ward angular speech
a meal is better when
the guess ts go miss ing
Author notes
i was inclined to play, and so i did. i expect my entry will be getting the boot. what will i tell the children? they were so looking forward to Christmas this year.
A contest entry
- Silence by Jersene.
1500 points, ended September 3, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Complexity Exchanges by 2lullabyhaven.
700 points, ended September 6, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I would never 'boot' out an entry, lol...everyone's entitled to play
I must admit I had to read this several times, but it is interesting. Thank you for entering


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And 'p lay' you did, I enjoyed the inter change lol good luck in my contest
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Great stuff!!!
Certainly an interesting read, had to connect each of the words, giving better time to digest their meaning...
Well done!!!
Good luck in the contest...

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Huh? LOL! This is interesting, good luck in the contest.
mj.


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LOL!
I love to play, too, and your style is fresh and new to me, and bemusing.
I'm fascinated by the placing of the 6th stanza; I note you often put a stanza 'out there' and I need to know why!
I'm not sure about the word breaks, though have used line breaks in the middle of words. I'll come back and read again - it's growing on me(eeek! brushes shoulder...)

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6th stanza-
this is how my brain works, i think, in terms of emphasis.
like a footnote interjected/ all of this is double meaning though.
i form things to my will, everything is a form of punctuation. -
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Yes - 'everything is punctuation' this is what I find interesting with dirty/pretty forms - that use effects to pace the timing of the reading.
Your breaks, of words, lines, stanzas, do the same. Put emphasis where you insist.
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This is very abstract and very clever. I like it for the most part. "angular speech" is a great image, and you play with words well. It sort of reminds me of e.e.cummings. It's kind of hard to understand, though... but by the end I'd learned to love the style


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I liked your humor in your authors notes lol,
i like people who are not afraid to venture, you sure did in this poem.
I enoyed it and have to admitt that i don't know off the struccture but it looks impressive. Your metaphor was greatt to.
Slán
D.


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this was a little over my head, but i love the last two lines: "a meal is better when/the guess ts go miss ing"

1 - 10 of 10







