Body reclines on plastic covered couch,
screen hums
while you relax in back row.
Noir magic~
images become crystallized,
forming foreign shapes
subtitled with cognomens
remembered from biology class.
Static fades appearance
between normalcy and imagination.
Contorted remnants of a B-movie
hide behind scene,
revealed in closing chapter
with culprit’s discovery.
Dial turns off,
blank screen fades to black.
Picture remains engrained
in your memory,
waiting for next reel.
Author notes
POW Contest
Theme: Comparison of an old black and white movie with an ultrasound test. The screen is in black and white, and the mysteries of life unfold before you, and the suspense is there.
I was not happy with what I saw, or what I heard. I read the words as they unfolded before me, underneath all of my little old organs. And smarty pants me, when I first saw what I did, I thought back to all my old biology/anatomy classes. My guess was wrong. That will teach me not to outguess the medical doctors! So I will ask for your prayers, dear Bear and all, until I go again to the next doctor and test.
In a list
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW by Arkbear.
1000 points, ended August 18, 2008, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Re: Black and White TV
You're quite a poet, my friend! I like this one, too! Super images -- great choice of words and great short lijes! This is a wonderful contemporary poem!
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Hi, and welcome to the POW!
I was not thrilled by your title, not sure I would be drawn to 'click' on it, but the write more than made up for this small shortcoming.
Wonderful images and use of language make this a write worth reading!
A couple of filler words snuck in, but they were hardly noticable.
All in all, an excellent entry.
My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you in the contest!
Remember, no editing once a judge has commented!
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I really like the imagery. great write
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Your title is not one I'd click on. Your theme is very unique, not one I've seen before. I thought the flow was very smooth - read nicely.
Imagery was good - although I'm still not sure exactly what this is really about.
All in all, a great entry!
** No editing once a judge has commented.
My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you in the contest!
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Welcome back to the PO contest!
Gosh...this brings back so many memories for me...I still have the pictures from my son's ultrasound...you can clearly see him sucking his thumb on one...if not for that, none of the other pictures looked like or meant much of anything...and I'm not sure paying attention in biology class would have changed that, for me.
Okay, technical matters...It took a few reads for me to truly find the somewhat hidden meaning within the poem, but it is weaved together so wonderfully once the theme becomes clear. This is a theme that could have a huge impact...I wish that had come through for me, but sadly...it did not, or at least not to what I feel is its full potential. I think a bit more distinction between the comparisons would have been helpful...but that's just me...and I'm sure for others it may not be an issue. Wonderful job on the imagery though, and both tone and flow worked well. Other areas I looked at will be with my scoreboard in the final notes of the contest.
Thanks so much for the entry; it's good to see you join us again. My prayers and thoughts will definitely be with you. 
Good luck and best wishes,
~J.
P.S. Remember...no editing once a judge has commented, until trophies have been handed out... -
Hello, I have seen 1 Rule broken with this entry...no white background. This is a profound imagery. I like the idea of a black and white movie comparison. Excellent write.
Justinintendo's scores:
Rules: 9.5
Grammar: 9.7
Punctuation: 9.8
Flow: 9.6
Vocabulary: 9.7
Thought: 9.6
Depth: 9.6
Imagery: 9.8
Impact: 10
Presentation: 9.7
Justinintendo's Total: 97.0
*remember, no editing once a judge has touched your work. -
Hello there and I guess I should of paid a biut more attention in class also lol I did like this piece it was intersting it took me a couple reads before I could get into but after that it started to make more sense to me but I am still a little confused was this a baby that was on the screen or something different being looked upon No matter what it was interesting and I did enjoy the read my scores will be handed in at the close of the contest
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Hello Susie
*and* imagination - oops -
*to* black - oops -
Smooth alliteration.....love *cognomens*.....had to look it up -
*hide* behind scenes......or....*hidden behind scenes*?
...no deductions
Using *screen* twice is not something I recommend....break out that thesaurus -
Opening is a tad *storyish*...last 3 lines are poetic....big difference.....I hope, if you continue to join us, you go deeper with your poetic voice and talents.....stay away from the Tone of simpleness....drive your Reader through the Valleys and Mountains with your voice.....I know you have the talent to do so.....just thought I'd mention my own personal preference here in the PO'Contests
Over-all....you held me captive within each line.....I did not need your AN to become one with your thoughts....nicely penned and full of imagery to make any Reader stop and listen ~
Prayers are being answered in your life Susie.....you shall be a conqueror, and no weapon formed against you, shall prosper ~
Good luck and God bless you,
Bear ~
Title 9.25...I would not click on this Title -
Flow 9.75...meter was good...that one long stanza is a tad awkward........to me -
Depth 9.5....depth is okay...but honestly..your Theme created an urge to have more to read -
Theme 9.9...nice job..kept my attention -
Feelings 9.85....tugged at me more on the second read -
Grammar 9.65....simple, yet affective...try not to repeat if at all possible -
Presentation 9.3....format is awkward.....felt as though I HAD to read it all at once with one long stanza -
Uncommonness 10....love your Theme...just keep it poetic -
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.8...I did ponder, made me sad...emotions are confused....nice job -
Ability to follow Rules 9.5...two fillers...( .25 ea. ) -
Bears Score: 96.5
Fine job
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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My wife was so disappointed with the ultra-sound test, she wouldn't go for our second child: all the half formed visions in grey only upset her!
Best wishes to you for your next "biology class"!
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