Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Take Me to a Place

Take me away,

where I can play freely,

Where the wind can whistle in my hair,

Oh where?

To a place of great tranquility,

Of serenity,

Of hope.

Of life,

Of beauty.

My one dream, battered

Carelessly devoured.

Why?

Is it because of how I look?

Or maybe how I seem?

No, my dreams are obscene.

Did you enjoy it? Can i improve?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Solidified
    August 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I did enjoy it. I like the flow.

    You can maybe add some more vivid imagery about where you want to go, the emotions are apparent though.

    I also enjoyed how easy it was to read- not a boring or overcomplicated piece. Just right.


    • claytech
      August 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks!

      I appreciate your feedback! There are more to come! =]