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Castle In The Sky

I met you on a bus stop
you were crying hard that day
I asked you why you cried
and you said you'd gone astray

I remember what you told me
of a castle in the sky
a place that you had lived in
since you were only five

You told me of your friends
and of the place where you descended
you woke up on a cliff
I was the first one you befriended

Never did I doubt that you
believed in what you were saying
and when I came to fall in love with you
you promised you'd be staying

You rarely ever spoke about
the place from whence you came
your daughter only heard it once
she thought it was a game

Then several years went by
we had two daughters and a son
you decided to go back
to the place your new life begun

You showed me the cliff
where you had landed on that day
the day you fell down from your home
the time you fell out of the gray

You said you'd be going back up soon
you felt it in your wings
the wings that no-one ever saw
you said it felt like a thousand stings

And for the first time since I met you
I told you please to stop
there is no such thing as a castle
in the sky where you grew up

You smiled at me and kissed me
and tears fell from your eyes
you said you didn't want to go
but they called you from the skies

The next day when I woke up
I knew that you were gone
I'd heard you in the night
you had gone to chase the dawn

We had a search party for days out there
but they didn't find a thing
It seems that on the cliff that day
you really spread your wings

And even though you're gone
it's hard for me to cry
Cause I know that you are happy now
with your friends up in the sky

Your children say they miss you
they all think you died
I'm the only one who knows
you're in a castle - in the sky

Author notes

I first posted this on storywrite, cause that's where I usually post all my stuff But I write so little poetry that I wanted to post this one here too, just because I like it =)

Inspired by the song Shooting Star by Harry Chapin

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5
  • Fantastically, ardently, so sweetly touching. (Sorry, I couldn't really think of a way to describe how this poem struck me) =)
    Write more poetry (apparently, you're a natural)

  • kay1719
    November 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is is a beautiful write.
    I haven't read anything lately that I can honestly say I liked, but throughout this poem I was very involved and it kept my attention.
    I loved it.

    I especially love the last stanza
    "Your children say they miss you
    they all think you died
    I'm the only one who knows
    you're in a castle - in the sky'
    That is genius.

    Anyways lovely write


  • Symphony
    September 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting; I really liked the story of this one, and also the way it had a double meaning, because for me at least, it sounded like she was an angel - born an adult, to die an adult, but still an angel neverthleless, although I then realised taht you didn't actually mention angels at all in the poem

    However, one line didn't sit well with me;

    You said you'd be going back up soon
    you felt it in your wings
    the wings that no-one ever saw
    you said it felt like a thousand stings

    The last line, just seems to long and goes a bit ofkilter, if you read it aloud. I would suggest taking out the "you said" of the last line to keep it even.

    Nice job - enjoyed reading this one!


  • inspired-8 gold member
    August 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful....love this poem.


  • Lislaine
    August 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow this is so nice written! i loved it, well it is kinda story but also a poem!! well after all i love it!!

1 - 5 of 5