I am always
painting you without a brush
using broken fingers
in thick oils
to form the words
I cannot say.
I spill my emotions
onto the hungry canvas
that is my sleeve
(where my heart resides)
and you wipe it away
with a sultry grin.
In sexual contests
you pin me down
with angry kisses
and naked enthusiasm
that is just short
of carnal murder.
The pictures you take
are gray as shark skin
where black
replaces white
and the subject is blurred
off center.
You hide your heart
in elephantine shadows
under well-worn denim
(faded as your selective memory)
and dress it up
as fashionable empathy.
In conversational matters
you kick me
with your emotional repertoire
and sexual innuendos
that leave me
artfully bleeding.
Paint splatters
like shattered glass
cutting deep swaths
of blood red love
away from my
anguished heart.
I am not the
serenely battle-scarred picture
you had once
hoped for
(and tried to capture)
my blood
makes me all too human.
In the romantic realm
we are
hapless razorblades
severing loves
twine-tied connection
behind seductive lies.
A contest entry
- toxic waste rainbows and self-destructing love letters. by deadpixie020.
900 points, ended August 16, 2008, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Excellent
It seems so familiar and I'm not sure why. I liked the discription, and the visuals you used to convey the feeling of the poem. I wish I had that much talent.
Really nicely done. Keep writing.
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AMAZING
Man why couldnt i find words like that to say when i was in a horrible relationship long time ago. i smiled the whole time reading it because i felt the words. it made me go back to that moment. you are an awesome writer please keep it up
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wow
That was beautiful. It kinda sounds like the sequel to Love Lockdown by Kanye West.
I think the akward parts are the () you have the ability to make it flow right without the ().
My favorite part is the whole poem. It has a lot of depth to it.
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Not sure you need this line, it is implied: "(where my heart resides)"
I love this:
In sexual contests
you pin me down
with angry kisses
and naked enthusiasm
and this:
we are
hapless razorblades
should this be "love's?"
"severing loves"
congrats on the silver.
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Excellent, I thought I had commented on this one as I have read it before, I apologize. I still love it, I love the metphors. Congrats on the silver.
Excellent write. -
Nice!
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This is a very vivid write. Your choice of words and imagery certainly made it an interesting read. The very first eight or so lines are very creative and original, they painted the image you were writing about in my mind.
However, also in the first stanza I was slightly put of by the hint of the cliche "wearing your heart on your sleeve." I think if you must leave the idea of it there, the line in brackets "(where my heart resides)" isn't needed because it doesn't add anything to the poem as the phrase/idea is so well known.
Also, on the fourth from last line, "razorblades" turns the poem very much towards teen angst. Just a simple word alteration here could change that.
Thanks for sharing.
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A Muse's Dream... With Metaphor Galore!!!
Congratulations on the Silver!!! "Paintings and Pictures of Us" is an outstanding masterpiece!!! Write on, Cyn
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oh my gosh, i love this.
every word of it. the last stanza especially -- that is one of the most visual stanzas that i've read in all the years [it's been three, now] i've been on AP.
"my blood
makes me all too human." i love this line. it's so understated when the rest of the poem is so elaborately descriptive. the only thing i might like better is if it was sort of separated from the rest, like if you put the 'in the romantic realm...' into a new stanza, because it would emphasize the line, but it's really no big.
seriously, great write.
good luck in the contest!! -
this was some write her woot! it was a twist of different flavors that i enjoyed and it was creative
Enthralling
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