I’m marked by words that aren’t my own,
Stared down by faces I’ve never seen
And chided for choices I didn’t make
But yet I agree to chain the fetters to me.
(Society’s rage)
(And pressure’s rain)
(Forever enduring)
(We never change)
I’m plagued by diseases I didn’t contract
Struck by the sword I’ve never dueled
And I’m addled by courses not on my maps
But I’ve always been warned to “never conform”.
(Society’s rage)
(And pressure’s rain)
(Forever enduring)
(We never change)
I’m reprimanded . . . discipline destroyed
I’m contradicted . . . unison accord
I’m constricted . . . freedom employed.
Author notes
Yeah, I know, it's a rather sloppy version of a song, but it's the first one I've written in a while. I just figured I'd write one for the heck of it, even though it could be WAY better! 
Yes, the chorus is whispered! That's why there are parenthesis around it, mind you. 
A contest entry
- I like variety so I'm giving you lots of options! by the evil angel.
475 points, ended August 27, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Is the title fitting for this piece?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I like this a lot. Really interesting feel, and I love the first stanza.
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Hmm... I have heard of whispered verses and screamed choruses (Kurt Cobain!), but never the other way round. Intriguing stuff.
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Brillaintly written
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Sounds to me like a mature song, great in writing. Would love to hear it if ever it gets that far ... hmmm.
Yes, I do believe the title is fitting quite eloquently to the piece, and yes, I too wish it were a bit longer but nonetheless, great job.
G.
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oh! ur author note helped me realize why it was in ().....sry, skimmin through it again. It would make a nice song, like someone else said, it could be longer, i would like to hear the rest
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I’m marked by words that aren’t my own,
Stared down by faces I’ve never seen
And chided for choices I didn’t make
But yet I agree to chain the fetters to me
i loved this part, alot, you did a great job writing this though you lost me at the end.
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Loving Truth!!
well written, i love your word choice, you have given me thoughts i have yet to write, very Good !well penned
Thank you for sharing
Rend The Veil
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i like this. Although it is a bit short to be a song. but it's good. you don't need to put stanzas two and four in parenthesis. I know what you're trying to show, I do. I write songs as well. But you don't need to do it in this case, I don't think. It's only really when you have echoing effects going on that you would use that. I would really like it if you elaborated on this. Extended it. because it is awfully short and leaves your readers unsatisfied. In general, however, it is very good. Well done
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Thanks for following the rulez!
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wow, there is a real somthing about this poem
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