i.
there is something wrong.
my jaw must be broken because words are coming out wrong
clauses become jagged and letters stack up behind molars
each syllable which leaves my mouth
gets lost between almost right & nearly perfect
then piles under salt-crystals and paper tears.
i’m worried.
there are some things i can’t talk about.
ii.
i’m not sure anymore.
sometimes cereal squares and tissue boxes
aren’t enough to keep the lines strait and my cheeks dry.
we’re having trouble seeing eye to eye because you never look at me
your lashes must be lined with gold
because they sparkle as they drown,
weighed down by glitter that they won’t let go.
i can’t help it if you don’t want to see.
your camera may take pictures
but it’s your heart that captures moments.
iii.
don’t you understand me?
i whisper with the twilight when i should be screaming at your shoes
for walking you straight into a little red muscle in the centre of my chest.
i peeled off your footprints from the lining of my heart
but as the layers of lies piled beside my kneecaps
i couldn’t help but notice that parts of me were still attached.
i tore away my heartstrings so you would tumble off my world
but we were still connected
and so i slid along with you.
iv.
sometimes i think my heart is lost
but then you reach into the gaping cavity in my chest
and squeeze it rhythmically until i can manage a beat on my own.
there are visions of a future
slipping in-between our interlaced fingers
my painted nails can’t catch us every time you fall.
i used to think your spasmodic heartbeat was just hyper-active
but i’ve figured out that no matter what i say
it never falters.
i can’t penetrate your irises and shovel through your brain.
i don’t want to search for something that doesn’t want to be found.
i tattooed the things you used to say
on the only surface of my body untouched by warning labels and expiration dates
but now every step i take away from you
wears off the ink and soon words will mean nothing.
Author notes
1- Choose a word and be inspired by it:
nostalgia
In a list
A contest entry
- Moody Blues by Jasmine Rayne.
600 points, ended August 18, 2008, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show me what wins gold around here by AutumnGypsy.
550 points, ended August 28, 2008, 27 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites. by She Stole My Voice.
300 points, ended September 21, 2008, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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omg amazing. this is just too good for this site haha ;]
return the favor, and look at one of my new poems?
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haha this kind of reminds me of 'vintage confessions'
only better!
this is beautiful, love.
thanks for entering. -
[insert whole poem here]
That was my favorite part
Girl, your writing is so amazing.
Stop entering contest;
you should give other people chances
♥ ♥
-Mary -
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lol
thanks much
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Just sublime, I love the style and the verse form this is written in, walking through the stages of loves departure and the healing in the end. Welcome to the finalist list! Best to you
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Excellent write, I love this style and your language is wonderful...
Best wishes with this entry...
~A~
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each syllable which leaves my mouth
gets lost between almost right & nearly perfect
then piles under salt-crystals and paper tears.
---
the imagery there is fantastic!!!
i love this poem soo much
stanza ii is beautiful
overall the imagery and emotions in this is sooo well written
goodjob on the gold! -
Amazing write- contempary musings. You should definetly write...books of course. Smile
Congrats on Gold, well deserved!!!
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This poem is just... wow. I am absolutely in love with it.
All the metaphors and imagery; all the clever vocabulary and meaning is phenomenal. Well done.
"then piles under salt-crystals and paper tears."
I like this line. The originality of it is befitting of the poem. :]
"your lashes must be lined with gold
because they sparkle as they drown,
weighed down by glitter that they won’t let go.
i can’t help it if you don’t want to see."
These few lines are very powerful. "Your lashes must be lined with gold"- harsh words that get your point across. I love it. Clever lines like this should be often spoken in everyday life [then again, that would take away from the cleverness wouldn't it?] Beautiful words.
"i whisper with the twilight when i should be screaming at your shoes
for walking you straight into a little red muscle in the centre of my chest.
i peeled off your footprints from the lining of my heart
but as the layers of lies piled beside my kneecaps
i couldn’t help but notice that parts of me were still attached.
i tore away my heartstrings so you would tumble off my world
but we were still connected
and so i slid along with you."
I love this. Every word of this entire bit is amazing. Filled with meaning. I loved your description of how attached you are to this person even though you know they are bad for you. "I tore away my heartstrings so you would tumble off my world/but we were still connected/and so I slid along with you." Amazing. I don't think anyone could have said it better than that.
"sometimes i think my heart is lost
but then you reach into the gaping cavity in my chest
and squeeze it rhythmically until i can manage a beat on my own."
This is great. I love the metaphor. How you describe the control this person has over your heart- as if it doesn't exist without them.
"i tattooed the things you used to say
on the only surface of my body untouched by warning labels and expiration dates
but now every step i take away from you
wears off the ink and soon words will mean nothing."
This is such a sad ending, but very powerful in its meaning.
Your poem is deeply moving ^_^ [I shared it with my boyfriend- I hope you don't mind lol] It's beautiful. I loved it. Thank you so very much for entering
-Lily♥ -
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oh, i don't mind at all
thank you so much for your comments and the gold,
i'm really glad it touched you
thanks again
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its deep and very different. good luck in my contest
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