i speak into a running fan
to mask the voice of who i am,
i cannot hear the words come out
-or if they did- they do not shout;
the blades keep chopping stale air
and even though they know i’m there
they slap out sense from silence still
they squeeze my soul, my heart, my will.
A contest entry
- Two Four Line Stanzas - Rhyme and Meter Only by Frodofan.
425 points, ended August 29, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
WOW! You are amazing
-
Just a thought but you may want to look at the tense agreement in the last two lines of the first stanza...Peace
-
Couldn't help conjuring up visions of Sweenet Todd with the last stanza. Without the first it could easily fit him. But I like this concept of the fan, very neat. Wish you would capitalize the word "I" however as that is one of the first rules of grammar...
Really neat though (but why this particular title?). Thanks for entering.
-
-
hmm, haven't seen Todd yet...thanks for the comment
I don't capitalise i's in some of my pieces because it reflects a weaker self-confidence/image in the assumed character. [and since it's poetry not every rule of prose is relevant] Also on the title: it's basically saying that even with everything going on and the character trying to disguise herself in the fan she can still (potentially) be inspired/provoked to do something great with her life.
all metaphorically speaking of course
thanks again!
I love your meter contests
-
Adding your comment:
