there is no tomorrow
from today - no certainty
in impending events
yet yesterday rests
comfortable in evidence of existence
futility fuels the madness of the poet
what colour is the killer's sky?
some days it is hard to find
the common thread
humanity cobbled together
patchwork bound by physiology
you know I don't wear metaphor well
watch as I collect
hopes and heartaches
ideas and ideals
politics and pieces
fed to a hungry audience
the truth is clouded by facts
fictitious giants prove a worthy foe
keep your head
three becomestwo becomes
one
fitting responses are likely inappropriate
the elastic of time expands and contracts
years fold in on themselves
and it is necessary
to comment out loud
more often
there is the risk of speaking out of turn
a voice stifledby diplomacy
confidence in controversy
so long confinedby fear and propriety
there ought to be something poignant to say
In a list
A contest entry
- you put the poet in poetry. by apples fell.
875 points, ended October 5, 2008, 44 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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lovely and chewy
Love to hear this read aloud at a mic in bright light. Great lines and pithy truths.
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this flows so well. you could win a slam with piece. the last line made me smirk and say "yeah". i read it out loud... tra la la.. i will keep it in the list as kate said... it resonates!
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Anything critical I might have mentioned is purely of the nitpicking variety, so I am going to skip over that and just comment on this fabulous piece of poetry straight-off.
I really enjoy poems like this because of the examination of the weakness of humanity that takes place, something I am intolerably fascinated with.
I see the snowglobe of life we live in and just wonder sometimes....what the hell is going on? The insanity digger deeper every day, stalling with the 11th hour sitting right outside our bedroom window.
As with every generation we are living in uncertain times, but it seems even more pervasive now, because it isn't just a war at stake or the national security of a microscopic country in Europe- it's about so much more than that. It's about life and the destiny of man and whether that destiny will last for many more generations.
Most would call me a pessimist, but I consider myself to be a realist. Nothing lasts forever, it's the law of the universe. Everything has a beginning, middle and end.
And as your poem states "the truth is clouded by facts". So much of the time we are force-fed bullshit by the media, rather than being told the honest-to-god truth. That there are many things wrong with the world right now and some of these issues could possibly completely change the way we live, an idea that is surrounded by fear, as people generally have become extremely relaxed in the notion that nothing ever changes and all the good things in life with always being that way.
I think the current world culture is living in a bubble of fantasy when it comes to the divide between what is and what they want the world to be.
Denial, it seems, is truly an epedemic.
Thanks so much for entering this thought-provoking and absolutely gorgeous piece in our contest.
- Kenneth
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"you know I don't wear metaphor well"
Bah and humbug you don't
- loved this, it resonates, yes it does.
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I simply fell head over heels for your vocab here and thought the technical aspects of the poetry was dead on. All the sound the poem carries brings truth to the otherwise under-worked mind. We think that we know, but we really don't...Not all the time. And this question I always ask myself when I am reading poetry is formed by one of hesitancy. I think, "well yes, I suppose if we are fueled by something, it might as well be words"...And other times, I think I have plainly forgotten what it is that drives us all ever forward. I think when you use metaphors, it is because it strengthens it...Not because it just feels tacked on there. Your observations are your strengths Jan and I don't think this will change, not as long as you are still writing and staying true to yourself. This is my only critique: I felt like "more often" could be put on the line before...It reads strange to me broken from the line, into the next. But that's all. And if that is all, then I must tell you that this is one hell of an entry.
Thanks so much for entering and kenny as my co-judge will be around at some point to leave feed back as well.
Glad to see you make it here, as I know you very
much wanted to take part.
;
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Thanks James. Honestly in my original scribbles "more often" was on the same line as the previous in fact I believe it was "necessary to comment more often out loud". It morphed a bit and I think it was in looking at the "form" the piece was taking and the possible enjambment with the line that follows that made me move it to its own line. I did think twice though. Good eye. You always seem to be able to pick out those spots in my work. And thanks.
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Morphing is aloud in poetry, actually, it should be expected. One thing I have always loved in your work is that you take chances with formats and ideas. You are certainly not boring or dull or any of those terrible words. I would say fresh and incredibly observant to your surroundings. I always find these things I think because I do the same in my own writing...Maybe that's the reason. Whatever it is though, I'm glad to have that ability. Glad you enjoyed my comment, as I very much enjoyed reading the entry.
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logic contracts effect
back to the source
in an universe that expands (so they say)
but it's nothing but pulse
they chrome their pants with order
where there is only chaos
and mental contusion
please wash your hands
in the sink
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wow, i love the form here, the single lines separating the stanzas... this is some very nice writing Jan, i love the line:
'the truth is clouded by facts"
so f'ing true
one question though, if futility fuels the madness of the poet why am i not a better writer...lol
wonderful stuff (as always)
al
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there ought to be.. i agree_
were we all to find it.. make that one statement that resonates for generations
love the title
and the food for thought served like bread to the hungry masses..
m
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quinine...
Yeah! speak up - say it loud, say it proud! this is heady inspection of all that is meaningful. it reflects a soul-sought alotment of admission, condition, and fruition, and you've said it with a cutting-edge poignancy all your own. who's able to wear metaphor well? strip it off and run metaphorless...
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you dress perfectly in metaphor..
least by my eyes
and this is so relevant this week -
learning to talk is so much easier than learning to speak
you know?
ydk
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yeah
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in one word ... excellent....
can I offer you a cigar?
and a huge one of these
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