A transitory zephyr speaks your name
in words that transcend planes of time and space,
and every man I meet reflects your face
so my existence cannot be the same.
The sweetness of each breath ignites the flame
to warm our souls’ ethereal embrace.
Soft atmospheric memories will encase
the tender words we lovers must proclaim.
Were I to find that you had turned away
and words of love reduced to hollow prayer,
the breezes would have nothing left to say
for I would know that you were never there.
But if you whisper to the wind today
then I will hear your presence in the air.
Author notes
Spanish Sonnet
This variety of sonnet combines the Petrarchan Sonnet form as the octave, but uses the Rima Alterata, a variation of the Sicilian Sonnet, as the sestet.
The meter is normally comprised of ten syllables.
The rhyme scheme is .a.b.b.a...a.b.b.a....c.d.c.d.c.d.
The poem is divided into two sections by the two differing rhyme groups. A change from one rhyme group to another signifies a change in subject matter. This change occurs at the beginning of L9 and is called the volta, or "turn".
This poem is inspired by "If You Forget Me" by Pablo Neruda.
In a list
A contest entry
- Invite Only! For Those I Consider Some Of The Best Writers On The Site ! by Cupcrazy.
3500 points, ended September 18, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
How do you think I could improve this poem?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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This is excellent, and it's a form I'm going to have to try myself one of these days. I'm a big fan of the ottava rima, and this reminds me ever so slightly of that. Love poems are a dime a dozen, but this one avoids the syrupy images and wording that I find so nauseating in other poems. You've found a pleasantly uncliched way to write a poem of love. Thanks so much for entering my contest!
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I love Sonnets and this one is gorgeous!
So beautiful ....like a whisper in the wind this softly flows...
Ty for entering this lovely Sonnet!
Lynda
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Beautiful work hun, third is perfect in form, the volta is exceptional. It is a wonderful take on the Neruda piece, I loved the rhyme in this it just flowed so effortlessly. Excellent entry, loved it. Hugs, Bunny
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Beautifully executed. Perfect form and wonderful volta. Excellence in form, and content. I did enjoy this one so much.
~Pamela 
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Simply stunning. Neruda is truly an inspiration I love his stuff!!!!
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This is very beautiful! I liked how the "turning away" came at the "turn" of the poem. A great use of this sonnet form. Lovely and haunting lines,
"the breezes would have nothing left to say
for I would know that you were never there."
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Lovely piece. Lyrical and flowing.
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excellent
I read this through the first time without even noticing that there was any punctuation. That is how well the meter worked. Awesome flow, beautiful images filling a wonderful story-excellent.
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Beautifully metered and silken flow. Lovely Spanish Sonnet. Excellent alliteration. Outstanding introductory lines "A transitory zephyr speaks your name in words that transcend planes of time and space" seamlessly reconnects after coming full-circle with "But if you whisper to the wind today, then I will hear your presence in the air." I also particularly enjoyed "every man I meet reflects your face."
Much appreciated author notes. Very well done!
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Oh, now this is GORGEOUS, lady. A love that endures even through the "what if"s. A beautiful form I have not yet read. Nicely executed, too.
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