Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Open Flower (Think of You)

I think of you
Whenever I see an open flower
I dream of you
When the rain comes down again

So many years
Have trudged by since that time
And this town
It still remains silent and old

These people
They pretend to be okay and happy
But underneath
They are much older than town

I'm walking
And no one is walking with me
People gaze
And mirror me as I slip away

Traffic speeds up
As I watch from a coffee shop
Life keeps moving
Without this town in its wake

I think of you
Whenever I pass an open flower
I feel you
When I brush the cool petals

Walking on
A huge crowd of angry people
I slip through
Unnoticed by those most caught up

Open doors
Welcome Spring's refreshing breeze
Flowers
Are showering down on my head

I get home
The door knob feels cold in my hand
Not as cold
As the paper on which is your letter

Years pass
Winter arrives to bully Spring
Flowers close
And that is when you're truly gone

I think of you
Whenever I see an open flower
I wish for you
As the years go on and on.

Author notes

I hope it's not too choppy...this is a story about living in the city, and how times seem to pass you by especially without the one you love beside you. I hope it's good, let me know!
Written for AP's Next Top Poet, Round Three

COMMENT!!!!!!!!

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Dlvvanzor
    August 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    That was haunting. The choppyness was good, I think, because it made you feel like everything was passing by. This is above and beyond your usual (which is good too, I don't mean it like that). It was captivating, and painted a successfully disjointed and stark picture.

    Love,
    -Dlvvanzor


    • Celticjedi
      August 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Awww thanks sis! Don't worry, I know you don't mean any offense. How are you doing?


  • kyuuketsuki ai
    August 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. I think this is definitely one of my favorites of your recent work...the wordplay is distinct, vivid, and colorful, and it has a song-feel to it. Rhythm is steady and I love the concept. Just lovely.

    • Celticjedi
      August 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Wow...really? Well, that's cool. Thank you once again for your support Maria. How are you? Love you and miss you! *extra hard HUGS*

      • kyuuketsuki ai
        August 17, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        I dont know....I just REALLY like this one. Also, it sort of reminded me a little bit about the very end of wolf's rain....hem. is that weird? ^_^
        luvs
        M


  • emotearsofsorrow
    August 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i liked it.

    goreat job, sweets.

1 - 7 of 7