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Of Dust and Pollen






wafted breezes;
fallen snow-








dust fell like melancholy
& breathed the same.








A contest entry

Critical Review Desired.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments


  • reckless abandon
    August 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It's always interesting to read short poems and how so much can be in the few words they have. I'd have to agree with the last comment, I think "Fallen snow" would add a lot to the poem compared to snow fall. Thanks for entering and good luck.


  • notorious
    August 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Those first 2 lines make me think of a haiku G.

    "snow fall"
    I can't help but think an 's' should be added to 'fall'...or, so as not to repeat the 's' sound, maybe "fallen snow".

    "dust fell like melancholy"
    Nice simile & personification to melancholy...though, since you use 'fall', why use 'fell'? Maybe "drifts" or something else for alliterative effect for 'dust'?

    Or not.

    The ending is breathy. No surprise there.