She loved me painting her portrait.
My best art was of her, because
any girl I love must be unique,
a perfect picture in any painting.
Vain pride demands her perfection.
There is no reality in my preened world,
pretended moments, marvellous minutes
of emptiness in conceit.
My empty shadow is my love for her.
I am my own tragedy,
no conscience,
no true feeling,
too vain to need someone,
too token to be needed.
Cruel to my women, to myself,
for I know my own picture is beautiful, but
small, ugly scars of self-love,
fester like today’s Dorian Gray.
Now my head droops,
my heart hides helpless,
my vanity's reward,
our friendship ended.
Author notes
5. Vanity
"The Picture of Dorian Gray." is a novel about vanity by Oscar Wilde.
Photo: by poet
A contest entry
- The Seven Deadly Sins by Genesis.
1200 points, ended August 20, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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This is a very powerful piece it kept me at the edge of my set wanting to read more. I am in awe as read this and and really is a very deep and sad piece but it also has grace, passion and beauty
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One sad portrait of self love you've written here Richard.
"My empty shadow is my love for her."
intriguing...
Paul
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Wow.
your last two stanzas left me quieted in their stark reality. Black on gray on white moving ever so close to shadow.
Superb work in this. I am in awe, and so pleased to have read this today. Pure excellence, but then again...it is from your pen.
Brilliant. ~Pamela 
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Ah, but isn't that what art is about?
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too token?? to be needed??
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Good on you, sanmdr
I expected a question about that word...to me 'token' means 'just a perfunctory gesture, a useless demonstration of beauty" in other words, a symbol of vanity. No one needs such a token...so I am 'too token to be needed'- a mere 'gesture' not a 'need'.
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This is a fine character sketch of a person who thinks he is the center of the world. "I am my own tragedy" shows that he is self aware, but not so much that he is able to change. People like this (I know one or two) are no one's friend.
I like this very much, the voice is credible and the consequences real. Good luck!
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Thank you for your entry. It is amazing how people can love themselves so much even though they see their own evil. I love the reference to "The Picture of Dorian Gray." A man so powerful, yet so vulnerable. Full of self love, then, upon looking at his portrait, all that's undone. Good write.
--Genesis. -
We have all met people like this but it sounds like this particular one got his comeuppance, at least for a while. I'm not sure the lesson would be a lasting one.
I enjoyed this character study.
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Amazing...RS man, youre one of my favorites
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This poem really captivates the reader, and takes them to the darkness we all carry.
I love the portrait of your words... displayed the reality of being vain. Perhaps it could all be a misconception, and she loves that you capture even her imperfections beautifully!?? lol.
Leaves the mind with a load to ponder. Best wishes and best of luck in the contest!
Melanie
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Excellent write! I liked the way the ownership of the sin was quickly transferred in the first stanza from 'her' ( She loved me painting her portrait ) to yourself ( Any girl I love must be unique ).
'Emptiness in conceit' was wonderful phraseology, and the 'empty shadow' metaphor was enhanced by the image used
The self-awareness of the subject of his vanity throughout redeems him somewhat of his sin, and the realization that loneliness is vanity's reward in the final stanza was very poignant.
Loved the reference to Dorian Gray, the ultimate reference book on the subject of vanity.
Best of luck in the contest,
PJ
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Thank you PJ for an in depth critique. Yes, 'she' is also vain.
Not that it got her anywhere. They make a good pair.
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