"I came on your dashboard..."
The Hamptons are my new muppet caper.
I have not been this steady since steady was a word -
- applied to drunk horses on steriods.
Screw me counter clockwise, in tight.
Like a failed rotisserie spin.
a misunderstood chicken fat bin.
In downtown with
the black people
in line, so fine.
I tend to leak.
Give me more smack
my face isn't quite red enough.
Yet, also, if you could?
Hold my hand motherfucker?
I'm lonely and so bone slick.
Smaller than an ant.
Nothing is as important as my need to spread
passive aggressively, casually.
While watching the city burn.
I'm off to the store for breath mints,
condoms, and chex mix.
Nothing written here has anything to do with sex.
It's really all about Astrology,
And Zorastrian civil technology.
Tuna, and tall Danish escorts.
Spuna.
The Bermuda triangle is slowly crawling up -
- my Atlantian spine.
It's a jungle out there kid
you'd better double knot your shoes,
but the kid stays in the picture.
I'm hauling my boat full of bait out
to the bay in Kimo's limo.
It's a full fledged assault on the industry.
Indignant, overwhelmed, underdogged, pimped.
"Tossing my lap snorkel", and just pining along.
Liza Minelli has been flipped on her belly.
But you? You're still a political dick.
(She's so David Gest friendly)
"Tie me up,Tie me down"
Almoldovar movie
Appropriately, fill the hollows with yellows.
Let me molt, snake boy, boy toy, toy train
Lionel & the jungle stew.
"Come on you fuck,
FUCKING GIVE IT TO ME
GIVE ME MORE.
DO IT HARDER.
I'M THE EVER PRESENT GARAGE SALE.
PINNED DOWN AND YEARNING FOR SCOTCH TAPE".
I'm selling mine to you for yours.
My muffin is so dry, but try, I try.
If Da Vinci could fly, I'd eat more Italian.
But instead I eat Snooker, and lick the spent cherry.
Extension chord, Daemon Horde.
Hard on for pregnant mommas.
Tether-ball sex slaves.
Volley-ball ballet.
Sucking off at croquet.
Happier than sliced melons.
We are Cantors & loopers
On my knees I sneeze,
so that I can be swept under the refrigerator.
Like a wad of wet molding pubic hair
Mopping out the mop-closet.
I get inbetween her toes and floss it.
Roller skating into cleavage.
I'm designing posters for Fellini,
and holding up a new baby Mussolini.
Transfiguration for the Carpenter's wife
The cereal's Life...
Cuz I'm out to kill Captain Kangaroo.
He's a bored rich gay man set to can can.
Will you hold his fake-n-bake tan?
Check his prostate you republican, fuck,
you three legged dog with a
Layne Staley habit.
Force Jerry Lewis back into the wilderness.
Anthrax 26567 return envelope.
March of dimes.
The devil made me do it
Do it to Bridget Bardot
Skull fucking Ross Perot
I'm out for blood and spoons.
I'm on the red eye baby slap happy sloppy crazy.
Walking with God and laying sod.
The wart hog stole the arm chair.
Snacks are best served from the hip.
God called me a breeder, so now I'm out for a cure.
Lumberjack Lenny has me tight by the arm.
I'm seduced by his Disneyland charm
--ace of spade knuckle sandwich's.
The hummm... Has us harder than Michigan apples
--in the hands of a Latina Rapunzel.
(A lame transvestite in a blonde wig w/bad accent)
The salt soft lapping of the Atlantic wakes me up.
Buried neck deep with the hightide approaching.
It's the original Creepshow.
but Jackie O didn't show,
and I am too dangerous to be trusted.
"For my friends"
Cuz in the end you keep your enemies in the same holsters.
Draw
Tombstone
Cupid
Stupid
The difference between old money,
and new money.
Pinero
Milk of Magnesium
X-acto
cut &
reaching in,
I find,
vagina
and
sin.
I find the big empty.
Author notes
Sorry my friend, but alas I feel you are dearly underestimating Allpoetry.com. for I have stepped up to champion a good fight.
Written January 14th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- This is a contest. So enter it. by NeonNihilism.
400 points, ended October 31, 2004, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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LOL -- OK, I got suckered. I clicked on the feature, saw you need to choose a poem, and realized that means any bonus points for commenting on the feature are out the window. But what the hell -- you're a great poet, so no problem reading some of these works....
This one in the spuna series particularly appealed to me. You are definitely able to hold this ironic image quite well -- a tuna that spoons? And yet here you amusingly write "Nothing written here has anything to do with sex. / It's really all about Astrology,/ And Zorastrian civil technology." Well, the ONLY concept there that is tangible is, in fact, sex. Astrology is bogus (at least to someone like myself, who tends to ground thoughts and beliefs in science), and Zorastrian civil technology would largely be funeral pyres -- not to mention a dying mythology. Your poems definitely test the edge of pop culture and social messages. But they are a fun ride, to say the least. You have a lot of talent, Horus. And you use it well. -
INSANE
That was awesome! You did a long-ass poem, and said NOTHING AT ALL! LMAO GREAT WORK!
~Spike~ -
LOL I just saw the chex in the stick people's hands - nice picture...and spuna? LOL...this was very random but I loved it...what odd things your mind conjures upon reading this. I loved it - congrats on your trophy...you sure those aren't licorice g-strings? LOL
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and that sketch is very funny, with the stick figures cliff diving with chex in their sticky hands in to the reclining figure's mouth. Hysterical. anarchy goats.
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holy fuck this is manic and vast. the sheer scope of the thing makes me touch myself in the dirtiest of places. thanks for the roller coaster ride through the bizarre reaches of our culture. My fav part is "im off to the store for more breath mints, condoms and chex mix." sheer pleasure reading two exes that close together. brilliantly diverse and very entertaining.
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ok look all i can say is youve got alot on ur mind and hella creatiity to say it , cuz thats hit right there was crazy well ta ta
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A comment... Well, uh. My mind is still in the whirl of events you placed before me, raced before me. Just, uh well...
blabbering now, in jibberish..
Three hearty *stomps to you my friend. -
Still unsure of how you come up with all these ideas i know ppl always tell me that but your mind is sooo oposite from mine it's insane and i jsut red your stuff and i know there is this insanely odd talent ringing there....YOUR INSANELY...ummm...a big bag of lesbian arm pit hair...that's it....i need a shower.
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I can't leave this place but feel like I gotta get out! There is too much to talk about. Too bad this isn't an interactive discussion piece. I want to tell you all that I see but feel confined here in this little space. I hate this litte space right now !!! Your words seem to get bigger and in more focus every time I read it. The characters are popping and i'm shaking their hands and sharing their smack...the east coast summer playground of the rich and famous..weird and pompous.... Feels like a Paul Thomas Anderson/Boogie Nights thing...love the Creepshow image..ok I'll stop. I've got a baby spiral started on this one.
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Did I mention that I've been humming "mmm nice milk..mmmm nice milk makers" for weeks? Perhaps this one should come with a disclaimer "no comments allowed until you've paid the cover"
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I'm going to print this out... gotta read this again later on
I'm impressed... really a fantastic, original piece of writing.
I really like your "in your face", hold nothing back, tell it like it is and who cares what anyone thinks style.
Fantastic poem, (I'd be clapping from the 3rd row) lol
~ Wendy -
this is like someone having control of the tv controller and flashing through all the channels so fast with glimpses of this and that swimming through your head. so fast and so effective and all of it interesting and wild....keep going and dont stop....its fantastic
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hell ya that was tight hope you win
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Damnably Bright
Ya know, I could move (ain't got me mesmerized by gum), but I like the feeling of the words washing over me, running down my good Levis and filling my Cats with spuna. Was gonna have to bathe soon anyway - Spring is coming.
At least you had the coolness factor to add "Cthulhu" (well...most of it - the most powerful part of the incantation) to your lovely rendition of a meta foured reality show (is that REALLY "Survivor" pictured there?).
Oh, I could ramble for hours about the strange sights you've shown me, but I think I'll just go buy a bottle of something red and cheap and alcoholic and sit on the beach and think about Loni Anderson (or some other BIG star) and let the waves and wind sort it all out. Yah, I'm just filling the spaces you didn't include (but you pretty near covered it all like a road-map on a 1/4 scale), so I'm just moseying up and down the back roads.
Ain't nothing like a brain dump from you. You're a true Poet Geek and I mean that sincerely and with all Admiration. Art is only in the eye of the beholder (no, not THAT kind of beholder - the normal kind) and in my eye, this shines bright indeed.
Best of luck in the contest. -
WOW! Indeed you have much to say! You are hard to follow but, it seems you write whatever you feel and that is freedom to me. Thanks for sharing.
Lynnette -
This is the best thing ive read in a long time. including the one you wrote for my contest. amazing...i just...amazing.
D -
Yeaaay!!
A champion! A champion! (A spanking! A spanking!)
Must buy Spuna.
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