The human condition
Is a treadmill
Why can’t we take
that final leap?
I would speak of it
but I hold my tongue
For I am a stranger
speaking an unknown
And strange language
In a foreign land…
No one would understand…
And I would further
be isolated and alone
At least the things hidden
deep within me are alive
Protected, safe and locked
away until the time that
they find the right soil to
fall upon, and can grow-
wild, nourished and unafraid
Where I came from
there was no shame
In my homeland people
loved one another in
innocent vulnerability-
Here… people only
love objects…They
are owned by their
possessions, not by
themselves and they
live imprisoned-
by their belongings…
A contest entry
- the simple truth.. by PrabhuDayal Khattar.
300 points, ended August 30, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~~~~ SPEAK AGAINST GOVERNMENTS ~~~~ OR PRAISE GOVERNMENTS ~~~~ by The.poet.of.hearts.
1332 points, ended April 29, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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and from where you Came
DEMOCRACY A BIG SLAP TO ALL THOSE WHO HOPES BETTER THINGS IN THE FUTURE
I WOULD LOVE TO GIVE YOU A REFERENCE TO READ
KHILAFA SYSTEM IN ISLAM
AND HISTORY OF KHILAFA
PLZ READ YOU WILL GET ALOTTTT IN IT
I wish American Government comes to see her own people begging for jobs and money
government spending billions of dollars to destroy other countries
but She doesn't look forward to build and invest in her own land for own people
THANKS FOR ENTERING
IT WAS A SIMPLE BUT MORE EFFECTIVE PIECE OF WORK
NICE ONE
SPECIALLY THE WAY YOU POISONED THE WORDS WITH SWEET TOXIC WORDS
" YOU WERE WONDERFUL, IT WAS ALL SAME LIKE A PERSON IS IN FIRE AND HE IS SHOUTING AND ABUSING HIS PAYING GUEST FOR NOT HELPING HIM"
You wanted to speak alot, but i think words didn't allow you
you going and going and going with touching words
WONDERFUL STOCK!
THANKS
YOU SCORED 72 IN MY CONTEST OUT OF 100
BY
THE POET OF HEARTS AND BEAUTIFUL WORDS
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"Where I came from there was no shame"...these words struck me deeply...The strong spirit in your words buoyed my thoughts...thanks for writing such a truthful piece...Best wishes in the contest. Peace, Rhonda
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Thank you very much for your comment! To love without shame; that is the purity and innocense of real, unadulterated love!
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and to love ...
one another without reserve is one of the most challenging truths many contend with. You have shared of a simple truth and from your personal perspective have shared a lot. I have found that love of objects in only one of the problems I encounter but the biggest challenge for me has been dealing with my sincere love of others who have been lead to believe that this means 'it has to be purely physical' ... and friendships of a true loving nature have fallen by the wayside when procreation is thought by them to be a recreational opportunity, missing the point entirely. Sex is an overrated problem and in America seems to be spoke of, out of "two sides of the mouth." IMHO genuine love for another is left to stand on its own and always looking for that fertile soil that you speak of. Keep your heart open and you will meet those of like mind who understand that "simple truth" means "simple love" and everyone that knows this feeling will not have to question those that don't. Just keep loving those that are receptive! j
y
I must admit that I didn't give you any ideas about how you could improve your poem but simply another idea on how I perceived what you shared.
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Thank you for your really indepth comment on my poem, "My Homeland." I appreciate and value your feedback. It is the loss of that pure and innocent love that is the main thrust of the poem. Love has become "objectified" as you point out - to the point that people are merely objects of gratification for one another. True love is far more gratifying; while lust is transitory and fleeting - leaving one entirely empty and ungratified. Thanks again for your comment.
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Ah..athis is what the life you have crafted here..and that is the truth along....I love it..and my thanks for sharing such a wonderful piece..
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I miss my Motherland! Thank you for your comment. I am glad that you like my poem.
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This is powerful and it relates very well to the prompt. A strong message is shared in this poem. Great job, and I wish you the best in the contest. Blessings, Patty
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Thank you for commenting on the poem I wrote, "My Homeland", and for the well-wishes!
Regards, karen
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A cultural contrast
The tone here sounds like you're coming from an honest place of experience rather than a hypothetical place of thought and speculation, which makes it hit closer to home. The treadmill reference was funny to me, as I saw it both in terms of the profit/ownership game in the modern globalized world, and spiritually in a karmic sense of desire and the passing of time. -
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Thank you for your perceptive comment on my poem. It is certainly open-ended, and can be interpreted on several levels; not the least being what you have stated. I appreciate your input and value it highly. One of the beauties of poetry is the give and take between the writer of the poem and the reader; and the layers of meaning therein. I liked it that you interpreted meaning both on a material and a mystical/spiritual level! They each manifest the other...
Thanks again for reading my poem.
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My friend, do not feel that many do not feel this pain. we as a nation are turned inside out. So many lies. Treadmill is the correct word. I do not give up on my people I believe many want to get off. They simply have no choice. AS we see many third world countries coming under exploitation more and more by our government and business from the United States we will lose more natural resources and have more pollution on this earth
until the day it literally takes our last breath from man woman and child . Your heart is in this as always and it makes me cry. I wish it was as God created too.
I love you always you are one of a kind in your writing so honest and real.
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My dear friend. I know; I never want to lose faith in my fellow human beings. In fact, many times I have been shown what care and compassion there still is in this world. Your own beautiful and wise words reflect this as well. A always, you say the right things; that truly reflect your illumination and understanding. You are so right;
"until the day it literally takes our last breath from man woman and child "
and,
Until my last breath I will have hope and faith in the goodness and the light in people- and persevere toward this end and overcoming the exploitation, brutality and ignorance in the world ...
I love you too my sweet friend and fellow respected poet!
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Wow! Short,powerful,to the point!
Well done my very close friend! "big" words in a way but yet not. Lol. i like it!
i hope u win in the contest!
love ya!
love
Abby
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Thank you dearheart! I am glad that you appreciated it. karen
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You have
etched deeply and sensitively the human condition. For this I have appreciation. Some of us have become shallow, while others have grasped this human condition protectively. Write on my friend, your voice is heard.
Frans
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Thank you very much for your kind and encouraging words!
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may I join the club ?
you have expressed what I constantly feel inside myself ... even this morning I am sitting on my sofa with the only desire to "leave this planet" ... it's neither depression, nor suicidal thoughts that veil my bliss, but the heaviness of collective negativity burdening my heart ...
sometimes, I still believe that I am able to contribute something positive to this crazy world, but I know it's just an illusion ...
helpless and powerless, I see my feathered wings of compassion turn into rigid shutters of deception, firmly closing my rainbow-filled chamber of aloneness, never again to return to the world ...
and here I am, listening to the soothing sound of silence ...
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Of course; you are already in the club!
We are not alone in our beliefs; but have been strategically placed throughout the planet for the very purpose of contributing positive energy and balancing the negative energies of this dark time of the Kali Yuga.
Do not give up; if only to support and encourage others like yourself! We need you. Everytime I hear from you, I am enlightened and moved forward by your words. You are valued and help more than you know! It's like being a teacher or a parent. We don't always see the profound influence that we have on those we so deeply affect.
It is not an illusion; my dear friend. DO not doubt for a moment that your positive contribution to this world is very powerful!
I know that it is discouraging at times; but all is not lost dear one!
love, karen -
maa
I have read your comment, and it is so meaningful, so understanding of the core of the poem. I enjoyed this as much as I appreciated the poem. Frans -
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how kind of you to have hidden in my rainbow-chamber behind the crystal-fountain, frans ...
I knew I was not alone ...
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