At last,
I have found
what my heart desires!
For that boy standing
tall and handsome
by that tree is what
sets my heart on fire!
I would die of glory
if he even so much as
set his beautiful,
green eyes upon
my hopeful face.
Oh, I only wish
to give him
a scarlet heart,
complete with love
and lace!
If he only knew
how I cherish
his every action.
And if I only knew
that his recent,
marvelously passionate
thoughts for me
would give me
satisfaction!
Yes,
mysterious it seems
that two could love
but not know of
each other's admiration.
I would never have
known myself
without a kind friend's
indication.
Author notes
this is a true story. don't wanna give all the details. this is a little embarassing to say, but i think he might have hazel eyes. not sure. option: lust (not so much, but i wanted to give it a try in that contest! =D)
- Peanut Butter Fudge
A contest entry
- The Seven Deadly Sins by Genesis.
1200 points, ended August 20, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Searching for new favourites (idea stolen from chaotic peace) by RIP-sanity.
450 points, ended September 21, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poetic Masters by Climax.
1600 points, ended August 31, 2008, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
tell me what yall think!
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
*squee*
Great read. I love the imagery of the heart. Huzza for love from afar.
-
- Too many exclamation marks. It does not need them.
- The rhyming was forced in parts.
- If using this kind of style you need to read it out loud to get meter right, the rhythm was off.
The last verse reads best.
Thank you for entering. -
Am yes wonderful
I like it pretty good is it about your boyfriend. -
It's weird but I chuckled throughout reading this poem
I like the persona's hopes and the ending was quite unexpected so good job at that!
To me, it wasn't obvious that it was about lust- maybe near to puppy love or "hopes are high" kind of thing; overall, sweet poem you got here ~ -
Ironic how life is...Reminds me of that song "Complicated." Two have feelings for eachother, but neither admits to it for fear of rejection and ruining a friendship. This is on the mild side of lust, but I like it. Thank you for your entry.
--Genesis. -
Hmm green eyes, most definitely! Should't say that really, my own are green but so are someone else's - well they're sort of hazel - sorry went off on one then, back to the poem.'I would die of glory' is a powerful line, I loved the way it encapsulates the feelings of the poetic voice towards its sujbect. Very effective use of imagery and descriptive detail here. Well written and structured throughout, I did enjoy this and can relate to it very well. Good luck in your contests. Thanks for sharing.
-
Wonderful imagery...
You may call it lust, but to me it sounds great. I think you have written your feelings very vividly and humanly.
-
aww wow. this is amazing, you are a really good writter as well, this is relatable, has a great flow, and you made it intresting, not boring at all, *hugs*
Keep writting, and good luck
Stephanie ♥
-
all details you have given..what else is left..you are in love..and yes beautifully scripted love in your poetry is revealing the details..well done..
-
-
thank you so much! i just wrote this a short while ago, and I really hoped I'd get feedback! =D
-Peanut Butter Fudge/ Adria
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 10 of 10
