Dressed in your faded jeans
and white T-Shirt,
with the fashion-less flipflops that you love,
you have the annoying habit of tapping your fingers
while I try to read the morning news.
Untamed hair, lazily brushed back,
you still wear the bracelet with the missing charm,
(the one I got you last Christmas.)
The water globe that you shake every night
drives me crazy;
Oh, don't get me started on your voice,
forget it,
it's too late for music lessons.
Never closing the cap on the toothpaste tube,
you're too lazy to even get a glass
for the 2% milk that you insist on buying,
(but you never finish.)
Can't find your way in the town
you grew up in,
you shrieked with joy when I got you a GPS.
This morning, the coffee you brewed
was cold, and the eggs were too salty.
Your laughter seems to last an hour,
and your jokes never make sense.
But when you smile,
you are beautiful to me
A contest entry
- Make Me Melt by Diminished Capacity.
770 points, ended July 14, 30 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
-
Thank you for your lovely entry, spoken with a most unconditional love, good luck in my contest, Josie
-
This was great, totally human and real. Reminds me of my husband.
Congratulations on the well-deserved gold!
-
hehehe this is funny because it's so honest in how our partners become irritating and the small things that we notice that no one else does Grate lol but then you look at them and see them smile and its all worth it isn't it?? wow this was a very good poem and It deserved the gold welldone
xx
-
LOL, this is so funny and beautiful at the same time. This speaks in volume, so much truth and with an ending like that, who wouldn't melt? Loved it, thank you so much for entering.
-
LOL it's funny and touching.
-
Aww this was so touching, so cute
& so beautifully written. This is filled
with true emotion, and is very REAL.
I love how you ended it with
"Your laughter seems to last an hour,
and your jokes never make sense.
But when you smile,
you are beautiful to me "
That made me smile..
A poem filled with genuinity.. coming straight from the heart.
Thanks for sharing & best of luck -
Hello Crivanea. Congratulations on a well deserved Silver Trophy, this is, as my comment below has already stated, a strong piece. My regards.
-
As I read along I was losing all hope but your ending is a bomb! thank you for entering and complying with the rules. Buy her a more fashionable pair of shoes; just as comfy as flip-flops ... and a cook-book. Hide the salt shaker
-
OH, how beautiful. A lovely write. I could see the picture yours words painted clearly. Thank you for entering the contest.
Kelli -
Hello.
Excellent. I like this very much indeed, your observations are cute, but the thing that obviously leaps out, is the underlying comfort that the two people share, feeling no need to look like they are ready to hit the cat walk, they share themselves with each other in a normal relaxed manner, warts and all, as strong loving couples do.
Not only that, but it speaks of the type of love that is real. We all have our moments of writing about love like the chimera it is, but real love is also the type that is seen, shown, and said, day in day out.
The type where one does see imperfections but finds them endearing; the type where traits which from others would be annoying, but from that someone special is part of their unique spark. And these things you mention, will be some of the things that you miss if anything unfortunate were to happen.
Your last line, sums the real every day love up beautifully; no big hoo-haa, no big bombastic "I walked through the pits of hell to get here" show; all it was, was just a smile. It also sums up, where the real beauty is, for a true smile shows the true beauty from within, as it comes from the soul.
Beautifully written, I have nothing to negative to say about this in anyway, excellent work, I think this is your best one I have read so far by a mile. Only thing I am surprised at is no mention of the toilet seat, you know how us men never put that thing down, hahaaha.
Excellent work, I wish you well in the contest.
My regards.
-
I liked this a lot. The tone was kind all the way through, even with its content. really good.
Adding your comment:
1 - 11 of 11
