the day I stained all the clouds

I decided to stop thinking so hard and blew my head apart
it didn't take me long to realize heaven was dull
and you weren't coming

after a few days I know what I have to do
walking around with everyone else in the clouds
I look around inconspicuously
for sharp and fast-moving things, anything at all
I get an idea and run and grab a halo off the nearest angel
put my head through it and jump
I didn't get a chance to see it but I think I made the clouds all red

I think of you until everything goes white again
I open my eyes and I'm in a red room
there's a pool in the middle with all my friends
I wade in and ask if they've seen you
they say no

I tell Jeff what I need to do
then bash my head against the concrete side until I lose enough blood and then consciousness
I drown

I think of you until I wake up again
I open my eyes and I'm in a blue room
you're in the corner

that's all I remember, officer

he tells me to get out of the car
but I grab the pistol from his holster, push him away, switch off the safety and blow my head apart