your tongue speaks good words but your actions deceive you babe
[you need to learn the rules of the game]
if i told you once, i've told you twice--
the last words you'll speak will be my name.
dont ever forget that.
i'm the ghost you speak about
filling up page after page
with dark thoughts & solemn memories
of a love/lust we used to have
about the way you played me;
about the way you shaded me
about the way to brought a creature like this to surface...
its a cold end for those who have wronged
[a death fearful of Lucifer himself]
-so don't forget-
as i sign my name and story across your wrists
so everyone will know the cold hearted remembrance
of why you are left like this
-Daniela Garcia
A contest entry
- toxic waste rainbows and self-destructing love letters. by deadpixie020.
900 points, ended August 16, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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oooh, I like it!
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i like how you incorporated some rhyme into this; it didn't seem like it was forced or anything.
"i'm the ghost you speak about
filling up page after page
with dark thoughts & solemn memories "
-- that was my favorite part.
i think though in the first stanza you'd be better off without the last line. it's stronger without it... in my opinion anyway. but i really like the emotion in this, you got it across really well.
good luck!
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i adore this.
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