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atheist

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i breathe

wrinkling musk

of death
and walls close in
stuck in the snare

that constricts
and contracts
in my window

of obscurity
i am

a cut-paper doll
existing
my bones brittle
as glue dries slowly
limbs fused in blood

of my roots
sap dripping
my bark stripped

to stark nakedness


reaching for  light
of a shatterproof existence
i tumble in the black
murmurs of living

beyond the screams
ringing my name

in humility
against sour fumes

of death
i wait
like crusted fossils

of the sea
washed ashore
by tumultuous veiled waves
allowing my salt to dry
along with wounds

 

 

i separate wilderness
and refuse

solving words
wisdom and understanding
with indifferent glances

i tremble 

with my undress
and a light breeze

settles my resurrection
with filaments falling
upon shut eyes
colored threads lie
under the unsettling moon

 

 

in an open pasture
of life

and lambs

 

 

 

 

 

 




 

Author notes

fear of death

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Puking Faerie Dust gold member
    September 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, very awe-inspiring piece you have here. I couldn't pick a favorite part. It all separately had power but together madea masterpiece. The ending was amgnificent. Thank you for entering
    Jeanette*~


  • nevadapoet
    August 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    WOW...another great write full of vivid imagery. Well done.
    Nevadapoet


  • zochit2me gold member
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Stunning and simply brilliant!
    So many good good lines and images in this
    far to hard to pick a fav...

    ♥Becky♥


  • poet2angels gold member
    August 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Sigh


    you never cease to amaze me and are one of few who leave this chatterbox....



    speechless


    huge hugs

    Lynda


  • poetryality silver member
    August 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This poem has extreme depth. That's why I had to read it thrice. LOL I've so missed what you do with words...

    "i wait
    like crusted fossils
    of the sea
    washed ashore
    by tumultuous veiled waves
    allowing my salt to dry
    along with wounds"


    Wondrous wording here Muddy. A brilliant write. As always, I am thoroughly impressed. I wish you well in the challenge.


    Always ♥

    Renee



  • Night Hope gold member
    August 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thought~provoking & meaningful, my Friend. Good luck in the contest, Scribe.


  • EvilKate
    August 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Im am too close to this .. far too close to offer anything more than mute astonishment and a

    If not your best, then I must find THAT other poem, wherever it is.

    Go straight to Bookmarks. Do not collect $200 ...




  • apples fell
    August 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    This screams to me and turns my soul into a lump of hair, dust and american angst. Do I see a little of onerios13's true genius format? I think I do...I know you will consider that a compliment, as you two are quite close...But I really think this is the caliber of writing you find on her page. Most certainly. there are so many great line and that ending, well, that just cuts open my stomach and reaches around for the bugs that sometimes live there. This is like fruit falling off a limb way up high and when you catch it, it splits apart, spilling fluid all over your hands and shirt. I thought it was mesmerizing. Enough said. You rock my testicles into my boots Richard.

    ;


  • notorious gold member
    August 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Damn, you are talented

    "i breathe
    wrinkling musk
    of death"
    Is that what death is gonna smell like? Sounds like a perfume...LoL

    "and walls close in
    stuck in the snare"
    Makes me feel imprisoned.

    "that constricts
    and contracts
    in my window"
    Like something you can see so clearly...

    "of obscurity"
    Perhaps not that clearly.

    "i am
    a cut-paper doll
    existing
    my bones brittle
    as glue dries slowly
    limbs fused in blood
    of my roots
    sap dripping
    my bark stripped
    to stark nakedness"
    I think this could be separated in a separate stanza...maybe.
    I love your metaphors here, they're awfully strong..."cut-paper doll" makes me think of something you can just cut & paste...or something vulnerable like paper. Tons of intense description here...

    "of a shatterproof existence"
    'shatterproof'...BLOODY GENIUS I say!!

    "i tumble in the black
    murmurs of living"
    Love your use of the word 'black'...often depicted as darkness, but you do it UNIQUELY.

    "beyond the screams
    ringing my name"
    Wow, you even make gerunds (ringing) seem cool!!

    "in humility
    against sour fumes"
    Good lines.

    "of death
    i wait
    like crusted fossils"
    Nice simile & line breaks here.

    "of the sea
    washed ashore
    by tumultuous veiled waves
    allowing my salt to dry"
    'tumultuous' is a great word & "allowing my salt to dry" is awfully powerful.

    "i separate wilderness"
    Neato!!
    Very cleverly written.

    "and a light breeze
    settles my resurrection
    with filaments falling
    upon shut eyes
    colored threads lie
    under the unsettling moon"
    Your descriptions are absolutely impeccable...I am in awe...and maybe a spot of envy.
    The moon as an unsettling backdrop...cool thoughts.

    "life & lambs" makes me think of a sacrificial lamb.

    Fantastic write...good luck, you should place!!


  • Cherokee
    August 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
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1 - 10 of 10