...Step by step,
learn and live, good and evil,
merging unseen mirrors and smoke
through distorted reflections, wishing
and weeping, love mimics hate, clarity removed,
beautiful and broken, love lost again. never bother! why?
god forsaking, mind aching, hearts breaking with tears cried.
sad and scarred souls, hurting and alone, enough is enough-
Tomorrow is yesterday,
yesterday is tomorrow
Tomorrow is yesterday,
yesterday is tomorrow
enough is enough, alone and hurting, souls scarred and sad.
cried tears with breaking hearts, aching mind, forsaking god,
why bother? never again! lost love, broken and beautiful,
removed clarity, hate mimics love, weeping and
wishing, reflections distorted through
smoke and mirrors, unseen merging
evil and good, live and learn,
step by step...
Author notes
2# A loss of someone close
casual or critique, my first attempt at the palindrome form, and damn, it is very hard.
Also, it conforms to shape poetry, too, because it makes an arrow pointing up and down, ironically, the way the words of this poem can be read.
Palindrome-a word, line, verse, number, sentence, etc., reading the same backward as forward,
In a list
A contest entry
- You by Demington.
850 points, ended September 3, 2008, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Got an HM You Think Deserves Better? by Paloszoo.
900 points, ended April 9, 36 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Hi. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck! I’ve decided to use a slightly edited version of my friend Arkbear’s grading scoreboard to help me judge this contest. I hope he doesn’t mind. It’ll aid me in organizing my thoughts and judging fairly versus randomly. I hope you enjoy it and find it helpful. Writers with the highest possible points out of 80 will obviously win
Title Appeal: 9.85 – Love the title. I would definitely click on this. It’s very intense and befitting of the poem, yet not giving away too much.
Poem Flow: 9.95 – Phenomenal flow!
Depth: 9.75 – Powerful and intense. Difficult not to be drawn in by this write!
Emotional Impact: 9.75 – The only difficulty I had connecting to this poem was that it was made up of fragments and it didn’t give me enough time to emotionally connect to one thing at a time, so I was all over the place emotionally.
Spelling and Grammar: 10 – Spot on. All the fragments are necessary for this type of difficult form.
Punctuation and Caps: 9.75 - Great punctuation. The only caps missing are on “God” and the two words after the periods. Forgive me if no caps are used in this form. I’m not familiar with it.
Presentation: 10 – Wow. You did an incredible job. I would never tackle this in a million yeas…..I don’t think. Hats off to you!
Personal Appeal: 9.75 – Love is not one of my favorite topics, but this really appealed to me! Great going!
My score: 78.80/80.00
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This is a very well structured attempt. This sort of poetry is the curious sort that tickles the eye of the reader and frustrates the hell out of the poet. But take pride in this bit of work. It is well done.
Blessing,
C
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LOVE IT!!!! BRAVO BRAVO BRAVO!!! now do we get an encore?... haha... AiM
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Great Job
I really like the way you did that. I know I wouldnt have the patience for something like that.
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WOOOOOW
thats all i can really say, this is amazing, i cant imagin how long it took to write all this out, how to form it so that it actualyl was a palindrome....did you start out wanting it to be like that or did you realize aftet you started that you could change it into something else? i am truly curious, and the shape of it just makes it all even better. -
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First, I wanted to write the palindrome, because I had been trying for some time without any success, then as I was laying it out, I thought it would be neat to try to shape it into the arrows, a form of shape poetry that I had not been successful with, either. I ended up killing two birds with one stone. Thanks for the nice comment!
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You have more discipline as a writer than me,my friend. You can herd your words into cool shapes,whilst mine wander like lost sheep.
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Very clever, you must have worked really hard on this and it's a mature and very well crafted write. Great imagery throughout and very effective use of metaphor and other figurative devices. Well done on even attempting such a difficult piece, I certainly couldn't! Good luck in your contest, you deserve to do well.
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Wow! You did a great job with this! I bet it was hard, but you did a fantastic job with this!
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Rockin
I loved this poem. It was definitely really cool, especially the middle portion
"Tomorrow is yesterday,
yesterday is tomorrow
Tomorrow is yesterday,
yesterday is tomorrow".
Very neat the way you made the poem (palindrome and shape poetry).
Great work and good luck in your contests!
~*~Zenity
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oooh what a neat form. When I first clicked I thought it was a shape poem until I scanned down and read your notes. That's really interesting how it doubles back down.
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