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Upon The Bubble Bursting



Pardon me; abrupt isolation requested

  Celestial entities impinge  (people collide)

  Almond stains from fingers to lips

  Silver lined wings
  Exotic; he thinks I'm a fairy    (unable to fly)

  Ophelia extended the branch
  From crystal azure (who am I kidding. heartbreaks) pool

  Though, struck with madness
she vehemently covered the looking glass
  eventually oils grip (she never did wash her hands) knuckled

  Under.        plunged perilously - shards scattered

                            Shock  and 
  Girl
  Loved
Violently
  Eradicating
  Souls
 

   

       

Author notes

Casual or Critique is fine.


A Case Of The Uglies. Two Beauties Equal One Monster

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • notorious gold member
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "Pardon me; abrupt isolation requested"
    Not sure if this was meant to be funny...

    it was. Probably because of the uppity "Pardon me".

    "Silver lined"
    Maybe a hyphen should be adopted here.


    "Silver lined wings
    Exotic; he thinks I'm a fairy (unable to fly)"

    "Ophelia extended the branch
    From crystal azure (who am I kidding. heartbreaks) pool"
    Your capitalization confuses me...it seems to be all-caps-for-each-line and then it isn't later...

    It seems to me like both those stanzas connect, so I think you could lose the caps-in-the-beginning...

    "plunged perilously"<--could also be "perilously plunged".

    Maybe.

    Good luck

  • deleteduser
    August 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is sooo hard to understand without a glimpse in to the authors' understanding. Thank you for explaining the relationship aspect of the poem and pointing out A Case Of The Uglies written right into the poem. Great write, keep it up!


  • Swangrnv gold member
    August 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    My my..

    You are really surprising me.. Anothergreat write!


  • Uniquely-Scarred
    August 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    verry good word ussage again i like the style, your one to watch


  • x-dont -ask-me-x
    August 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I love it and also enjoy the Hamlet metephor


  • Cynthia Gaines gold member
    August 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Another vividly expressed thought-provoker...

    Wow, this is such am amazing piece that I had to read it a few times to feel the full effect of the metaphoric surrealism of your muse's pen. Although I still wonder what the meaning of it all is... Best of luck in this contest, you've written a stunning winner!!! Peace, Cyn

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    August 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I did like this piece the title drew me in to this amazing poem I wish you much luck in the contest blessings always


  • moluv10
    August 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great poem!

    Bubbles bursting, evil's thirsting
    two beauties searching
    become one monster lurking....

    i love this! best of luck in the contest.


  • Ilidzs
    August 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    I love this part the most

    Though, struck with madness
    she vehemently covered the looking glass


  • kat-mwahzz
    August 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    this is good

    hey i like poems and hope to be able to read all of them came and check out my another new poems if u want


  • Demington
    August 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very well done! The structure and punctuation are quite curious, enough so that I want to read it aloud. I really like the insanity of the poem, a twisting, curving, entrancing ride.

    And this is part of why I like your style, as with the curiousity of someone who absolutely must know more, I haven't seen it before.



    Blessings,

    C


  • Mr.
    August 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    That's a great poem, I read it over at least 10 times. Unfortunately it drove me a little bit crazy.


  • BehindTheShadow
    August 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I love this! Especially the way you layed it out, and the (cynicism). Great job!


  • Lj-
    August 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I really like this.
    It has a raw kind of feeling to it.
    The atmosphere of it feels likes it's all of one thought, but somehow it seems scattered.

    Very nice.
    Best of luck!


  • Redeemed15
    August 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    That is so awesome how you aligned all of the lines in their own unique way


  • Jasmine Rayne
    August 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like this a lot. The form is very unusual, but I like things like that ^_^

    "Celestial entities impinge"

    A very curious line. I like it a lot. "Celestial entities". A very entrancing phrase :]

    "plunged perilously - shards scattered"

    I like the alliteration here. :] It's subtle and very well-done.

    Great job and good luck in the contest ^_^







    -Lily♥


  • edens-envy
    August 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    you always have a very original form to your poems. Great word choices too. I espescially enjoyed the ending!


  • EndlessNight
    August 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    It is definitely different, dont stop your writing.


  • poetrandy
    August 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Very good poem!

    Fun and contemporary! Interesting layout!

1 - 19 of 19