revised version:
uprooted oak -
wind blows an old man
into the river
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original version:
uprooted oak -
the wind blows an old man
into the river
A contest entry
- Haiku and Bless You! by azure85.
4500 points, ended August 22, 2008, 57 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Now this one is a very humors hakiu. Image is definately great it makes me giggle. Thanks for sharing. UNT
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uprooted oak -
wind blows an old man
into the river
This is a good revision and a good haiku. Thank you so much.
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ah, striking images as always.
love the comparison.. as well as the internal contrast - that of the thick, strong oak, and then the frail old man. ah, how light he must be to have been blown away by the wind. and how strong the wind must be to have uprooted the oak..
ah, i just love the way you make your readers think into your haiku.
it seems like my haiku muse is drying up of late because i haven't really been writing..
the Yamuna river flooded today and (most probably) destroyed all the crops in the surrounding farms.
i want my muse to flood like that.. although, not destroy my brain. 
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muse
Thanks very much james1 Good to get this feedback from you. I love your perceptions - they are spot-on here.
You don't need a muse to write haiku - that's one of the reasons why i love the form so much. -
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who's james?
'tis me, CrystalPhoenix.
Aruna, if you remember my real name.
you're much welcome for the comment.
that's true actually.. you don't need muse as such for haiku since it's plain observation. i better increase my observation power.
can i use mana for that?
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YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
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I love the image I get.
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NICE
maybe I will be able to write like this one day.
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Again, you nail the haiku form. At least, from what I have seen on this site or had the pleasure to read. Do you need "the" at the beginning of the second line? I think it would be fine without it, but that is clearly just my opinion. I love the detail in the form and how you started this one myron.
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Ohhh, nice! My dad is in his 80's...and this reminds me of him...some days I think all it would take is a strong wind to blow him right over. Great images here and a fantastic observation. Good luck in the contest!
~J.
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Well, this reminds me of one of Basho's.
"the sound of hail-
I am the same as before
like that aging oak"
Bahahaha that's on my page, I haven't memorized it yet.
This is good.
I love "the wind blows an old man"...The first & third lines seem to be physical description (I'm sure there's a metaphor hiding with intensely deep meaning) & the second is the most awesome part.
LoL...
Good luck
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