Wouldst thou wed a counting-house?
Have all affection
thriftily parce’d,
measure for measure?
Archive debts, withdrawals,
in fastidious fault-finding detail,
hoarded as justification
to counterbalance
infractions duly noted in partner’s books?
Assets tenaciously coffered
in bags of “His” and “Hers”
resisting “other” use;
Demands ever pending
for contracted
(or assumed) payments,
compound interest accrued on shortages,
progressively evolving into overdrawn
emotional bank accounts...
To ever Wonder
if partner also
keeps “a weather eye out”
for investments promising
higher returns?
What simpleton propounds
a “fifty-fifty” marriage?
Why, Day and Night chart equinox
but twice a year!
Is symmetry sole underpinning
of lady hummingbird’s desirability
in eyes of her bejeweled mate?
Are chambers of the self-same heart
not diverse in size, strength and purpose?
O, then, Choose
with exquisite care and caution
one whose goals, course
and mind are like-attuned;
Fear all careless-kept watches
over weary slumbers ~
for Adversary slips silken enticements
into solitary ear, whilst shield-mate sleeps
and thoughts stray idly -
(the Serpent charmed not Eve
whilst in fortifying company!)
Guard, then,
each
the other’s weal.
Love, armored in service,
gauntleted in kindness,
knelt not
to his chosen,
but pedestalled her above him
and vowed
to ever raise her higher
(though mortal faults enough he espied);
for entirely, exclusively, and all in all:
she was his,
and he was hers,
and that was perfection
enough.
Author notes
counterpart: a person or thing closely resembling another: a copy; duplicate
union: joining two things into oneness; being one, undivided, and indivisible
counting-house: a building or office used for keeping books and transacting business
parce’d : parceled; to divide into or distribute in [small] parcels or portions
keep a weather eye out: be extremely watchful or alert
weal: well-being, prosperity, or happiness
Prompt: If You Forget Me by Pablo Neruda http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/if-you-forget-me/
A contest entry
- Invite Only! For Those I Consider Some Of The Best Writers On The Site ! by Cupcrazy.
3500 points, ended September 18, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Brilliant!
I truly enjoyed reading this...Such a unique entry
and an original outlook on the prompt...
Excellent poetry
TY for entering
Lynda
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This is such a brilliant piece and yes good old Will would very much enjoy the bite in this one, which will probably make romantic writers bark instead. This is such a real account of life and love, filled with modern day tongue and cheek and yet dressed with the grandeur of by gone language. It gives it a timeless quality which furthers the thought that love is as it always was, time changes naught. I said in an earlier comment to another entrant that I did not know how I was to choose a winner of this damn contest, now I know it is definitely impossible. Thanks so much for this entry, it is right up my ally taste wise and a wonderful take on the Neruda Prompt. Hugs, Bunny
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This was kind of surprising to find and especially when related to the prompt. I enjoyed the style - kind of Shakepearean and humorous.
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I love the language of this piece. The sound, the vocabulary, the imagery! This held me.
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(Hoodwinked!) Heavyweights have weighed in!
I like what Blue Rew and Mairi had to say. I agree with their commentary. This is great tongue in cheek, somewhat sarcastic, humorous prose with a language that is quite unique.
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Wow, you are at the top of your game on this one, D! This is so clever, wise, and witty. Perfection doesn't exist except that we may be perfect for each other... this is a wonderful expression of why we sometimes really need to stop keeping score and just enjoy! Wonderful assonance and internal rhyme, and I loved how you used older classic language to express some very modern developments in couple dynamics. I loved "Are chambers of the self-same heart
not diverse in size, strength and purpose" Man, that really nails it. Excellent!
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Gentle and gratifying this verse expounding on
relationship workings. Yes, Mairi is right,
William would have been a bit envious. You seem
to share a bit of his bite when it comes to
foolishness in the name of love. "for Adversary
slips silken enticements into solitary ear, whilst shield-mate sleeps" is just one of many parts that
makes the reader eager for the rest. A bit of
song lyrics floated through my mind as I finished...
"counting money until their souls turn green".
Our diversities are what connect us for we each
can offer something as trade for that which we
don't have innate. Blue
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Bloody brilliant free verse, couched in tongue-in-cheek archaic language. Shakespeare would giggle. Bukowski would call you a damn fool and grind his teeth, but secretly bookmark the page.
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Thank you for one of the loveliest comments I have ever received!
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