If you look out your window when the Moon comes out tonight
She'll sing the song that I composed for you
Then you may see me dancing down a silver beam of light
The full Moon's magic makes my dreams come true
And every time I see her I will ask her tenderly
To carry all my love to you and kiss you just for me
We'll sit out in your garden where the Moon has spread her glow
And sit and drink and talk the night away
We'll marvel at the beauty that the Moon can put on show
And wish there was a way that I could stay
The magic of the full moon only lasts a single night
We can only stay together while we're basking in her light
When you make love by moonlight you will know the love is real
There's nothing you can do to fool the moon
The passions of the moment only add to all you feel
But loving in the moonlight ends too soon
We'll wait upon the full moon when there's magic in the air
I'll ride upon a moonbeam to the garden that we share
In a list
A contest entry
- It Must Be The Moon part II . by JinSays.
600 points, ended August 16, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Mrs Moonlight works her magic everytime....glorious subject and matched with a glorious write-
Bumpy xxx
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There's nothing you can do to fool the moon
Sigh. . .
All I can say, all I can think to say is WOW!
thank you,
jin
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This is so beautiful Jeff! Beyond words. There is something about nighttime that captivates lovers, and poets, and great thinkers! You made all the monsters go away, and made the child in me love night and dreams again! I love this romantic piece!!!
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What's the tuition?
Great class you've got going here.
That's a sweet read up top.
Good luck in the contest.
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Jeff, if I am honest, I don't think the 14-10-14-10-14-14 structure totally works. The final 14 makes it seem top-heavy to me.
Nevertheless, this is vintage Jeff - don't you ever get tired? I think you just tired the moon out here. I challenge you to write another one featuring the moon but not using that word. I'll even help you out here, with soubriquets for our satellite, personifications like Luna, Selene, Diana... go for it.
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The silver glow that paints my sleep with you
Is issued by the goddess of the night
Before I bid each yesterday adieu
I gaze beyond the sky to seek her light
She lights the world for every other fool
Yet saves her magic gifts for you and me
TShe lets such mortals use her as a tool
But in our dreams grants immortality
You see her rise and let her know your heart
So she can place my words inside your mind
Then as you close your eyes the dreams can start
What greater promise can their be to find
Each night I send you love inside a kiss
So offer up your lips to Artemis
How's that? -
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It's ok, but I am offering a few suggestions
The silver glow that paints my sleep with you -
It issues from the goddess of the night.
Before I bid each yesterday adieu
I gaze beyond the sky to seek her light.
She lights the world for every other fool,
Yet saves her magic gifts for you and me.
She lets such mortals use her as a tool,
But in our dreams grants immortality
You see her rise and let her know your heart
So she can place my words within your mind;
Then, as you close your eyes, the dreams can start -
What greater promise can there be to find?
Each night I send you love within a kiss,
So offer up your lips to Artemis.
Ignore the fact that I have punctuated it - that is just for my own comfort. I have offered a few subtle amendments. In poetry, particularly one based on archaisms, I prefer to see the verb "issue" used intransitively. Also, I prefer the euphony of "within" to "inside".
But very well done with the challenge - wish I had more bunnies! -
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I completely agree with within, not so sure about issue, mainly I wold need to kock it about a bit to make it "me"
Thank-you
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kock it about all you like - all over the wold.
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Well done here.
Seems like a ride one wont forget.
Beautiful as always.
best wishes in the contest.
Love Passions
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