Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Tsunami

white water waves
awaited tumble

moon with
tide in toe
relented
letting go

wish-washy words

while trickling like tease
began to flow


toes curled

 

rain drops

bade water lilies

to unfurl

as swelling swoon

swept souls

from sedentary seas

 

into earth

shattering tsunamis

 

 

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Night Hope gold member
    August 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply


    First of all, let me thank you for your entry into my contest. I appreciate the time & effort that you spent on your poem immensely, because I completely recognize & understand the symptoms as being my own, as well. lol

    Also, please let me apologize & ask for your understanding this somewhat generic comment; I have a migraine & need to get this contest judged so I can get to bed. I don't have a lot of time or energy to be online these days. Which is partly why I'm commenting at 3 am.

    This is the part that really gained my attention the most:

    "rain drops
    bade water lilies
    to unfurl

    as swelling swoon
    swept souls
    from sedentary seas


    into earth
    shattering tsunamis"


    You are a talent to be reckoned with, for sure; I thank you sincerely for sharing this part of your Self with the rest of us lost, angelic souls...Keep writing...This world needs all the Poets & Scribes it can hold. Especially now.

    Be good to yourself & those around you; it really does matter, as you know.

    ~ Wanda




  • Angelflower
    August 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    imagery thats heated anyone? this is really good. It was.. sensual in it's own way.. which I liked.. bravo.. best of luck with the contest..


    Angel


  • aboomer silver member
    August 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Awesome wording! I love your phrases!
    Great job!
    best wishes in the contest.


  • notorious
    August 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    You are a genius

    whether you are wasted (common) or sober (rare).


    That first stanza nicely describes a tsunami.

    "tide in toe"
    Oh I love that!

    "relented/letting go"
    Nice line breaks.

    "wish-washy words"
    LoL!!!

    "trickling like tease"
    LOVE the alliteration...

    "rain drops"
    'tis one word==>raindrops
    Unless...you meant to say quite literally "rain drops". But what else can rain do...float UP?
    Maybe they could.

    "bade water lilies
    to unfurl"
    'unfurl' again?
    Well, I like your use of it in this poem better than I did in the other. I think it helps that you're mentioning a SPECIFIC flower, as opposed to say "petals", which you did in that other poem.

    "as swelling swoon
    swept souls
    from sedentary seas"
    Well shit, this is a crapload of alliteration.
    I love that you reserve most of the alliteration in the poem in one area.
    Lately, I've been lambasting some people's alliterative efforts, but you do it well.

    "into earth/shattering tsunamis"
    Hmm. I think it would've been cooler if you hadn't mentioned the title word AT ALL in your poem, but this works too.

    Good luck


  • Cannonsfire
    August 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    lol and you said mine was erotic...toes curled?? I want what your on!


  • cheaphotelsign
    August 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    my my my....wow...this is incredible...heat in words with friction...zero to sixty in a blink...wasn't sure when i started reading but i was all tingly by the end...you are delicious. love love love it

1 - 9 of 9