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Alcohol's Fantasy




I have ventured here
one too many times
(after the first hundred, I lost count)

I have determined
this is the wave I will ride,
hang-ten until the death
and pray it is merciful

this path molds me,
it is unforgivingly restrictive,
I gasp for the release,
and for the redemption I must inhale

my thirst is unanswered
by the alcoholic fantasy
and I snap myself awake,
my welts a reminder
that I must persevere...
the faucet is leaking,
dare I drink?




















Author notes

thanks for the invite, I am honored

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • emma7386
    September 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    love the way 'unforgivingly restrictive' sounds, flows perfectly. I do think the first stanza would sound better without the last line, but that is just an opinion! I also love the line 'the faucet is leaking' slow, torturous, cannot be fixed perhaps? overall a good write definitely!


  • bluejeans51
    September 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I liked the way you put your heart into this. Cheers my friend. Good luck in the contest.


  • Jaden silver member
    August 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Nice.

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    August 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    We all have things in our life demons that pop their ugly head up and gives us more trials then what we deserve you did great with this piece goodluck in the contest much love always


  • apples fell
    August 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    That ending is perfect...Which I say rarely and probably should more often when reading your work. I loved the second stanza here because it evokes emotion, without being cliché or over-stated. You don't push my buttons, you simply guide me underneath your wing and allow me to interpret how these moments feel to you. Nothing to critique here Shawna. This is why I invited you to this contest, because you are always thoughtful when you write.

    Thanks for entering and good luck.

    ;


  • xCandieKissesx
    August 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    my thirst is unanswered
    by the alcoholic fantasy
    and I snap myself awake,
    my welts a reminder
    that I must persevere...

    Whoop whoop! This was absolutely awesome! So filled with imagery and creativity. You have a gift. Use it wisely. Excellent job!

1 - 6 of 6