puddled sediment
shrink rapt
cracked
and fissure men
fell into crevasses
where hooked worms
gathered hide from holes
that rarely wriggle
A contest entry
- ...of clay and bone by zochit2me.
1850 points, ended August 23, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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You kicked some ass with this!!!
Went deep into that worm hole and pulled it out. All of the sounds and line breaks work together here...as usual like twisting my tongue with words.
Thanks for stopping and sharing your amazing talent with me...
You da man
♥Becky♥ -
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That bro was very uncomfortable.
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Thanks Becky
...for letting me be da man dis time.
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from dust the mud
baked smaller dried
beneath old suns
until a kiln white
rested each vessel
as full as a tale
from which few voices speak
"shrink rapt"
this is so very good
love the weaving.
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...and I love poetic comments.
Thank you. -
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you're welcome, I love writes that inspire them.
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my tongue thanks you for this tripping fantastic workout...read this outloud... do you have any idea how cool you are? love love this...the combinations of words and sounds...images twisted...love the word crevasses & wriggle...once again you do me like you do and i love you for it! excellent
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NICE
I love that you didn't capitalize the 'and' in your title--it pisses the bug shit out of me when poets capitalize words like 'of', & 'and' or something in their titles.
Anyways, you didn't do that, because you are infinitely cooler than those poets.
"puddled sediment"
Very cool words=cool phrase.
"shrink rap/cracked/and fissure men"
I adore your line breaks...done in all the right places. "fissure men" strikes me as funny, but I have no idea what the hell you mean...I have ideas though. D:
"fell into crevasses"
Ah...'fell' is such a boring word, but it's made interesting here.
'crevasses' 'tis a kick-ass word...
"where hooked worms/gathered hide from holes/that rarely wriggle"
That last line is absolutely KILLAH!!!!!!
Worms are freaking nasty, but they work nicely in your poem.
Good luck
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Thanks
Sober and even hungover. I did it! -
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Mazel tov
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