they lied when they said
the good die young
and this is how i want things
to be -- sucking flesh
from the skeletons
of minnows and forty-six hours
from home.
[6 a.m.] the crabs
are falling
from the riverside.
we don't feel it,
don't feel how they eat
away at our skin
or the curling of veins
we left behind in the tide or
your fingers entwined
in a wednesday; kid,
close your eyes & tell me
what california
breathes like.
it's a rat-eat-rat world
out there, tree girl,
you've got to fuck the wind
as if the sea is going
somewhere, spinning
across a stretch of dunes
like bleeding chests, like edges
wedged beneath your neck
folding over,
healing.
you've got to curl yourself
against the music notes
and scream when it
starts raining.
and maybe when the sun
hits that chord change
just right, we are
already self-
constructing.
you spent hours and hours
trying to carve his name
in the sand --
but the waves are riding high, girl,
and this is a ripe time
for swimming
to shore.
Author notes
[written at the outer banks]
&& for everyone else
who needs something sweeter
than shit.
i am sorry i could not do anything more
than make things worse but you
are not like her and you
are so much stronger and you
are going to make it.
make it.
In a list
A contest entry
- write me a web of words. by deadpixie020.
700 points, ended September 11, 2008, 20 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
critique:
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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this is damn good. You kept my attention throughout the entire read - I do like your style
Love, Lane
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i actually really really like this
there were so many parts i liked i cant list them all haha
the second stanza was brilliant.
lots of luck in the contest
-
whoah
you are going to make it too, you know
-
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speak for yourself :]
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agh.
why is it so hard to make it though?
-
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word.
but you're not alone. >_< -
-
it makes it easier.
thanks.
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suni la, gorgeous as always.
my favorite bit:
the curling of veins
we left behind in the tide or
your fingers entwined
in a wednesday; kid,
close your eyes & tell me
what california
breathes like.
encore, encore! -
damn
now thats some fucking poetry right here.
hm interesting images too! tree girl, curling veins, and all that jazz. you are super amazing i hope you win!
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