you want...
to get back together and you say you are sorry
something about you and I is meant to be
you say...
you love me and want to work this out
you say i am what your life is all about
you wish...
you had thought before you acted
you had never taken her back and
you claim...
we will be together again one day
and i believe every thing you say
you call...
every night when you say youre going to
but call her baby...and me too
A contest entry
- You by Demington.
850 points, ended September 3, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What can I improve on?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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The title pulled me right in and I was glad it did. Men.
They want to have their Kate 
and Edith too. (Oooooold joke) Your poem points out why it is so important to look
as well as listen since it is truly said "actions speak louder than words". 
I think it is very well done.
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While walking the border between simplicity and cliche you managed to paint a very emotional picture that is quite cleverly wrapped up in the last three lines.
I normally find this topic to be quite overdone, but you've managed to make it fresh again...even if only for one poem.
Nicely done!
Blessings,
C
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Nice piece! Best wishes!
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The last bit hit home for me. Hard when someone makes you feel special than turns around and says the same thing to another.
Good job.
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Good job, Chelsea. I like the way you structured this.
Good luck in the contest. And, good luck with him.
--Genesis. -
awww babee!
great job i could feel the emotion in it..
great write babe keep it up
Much Love,
Rayne
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