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The burning brain of self-expression (editing)

Amber coloured tongues speak, licking and tickling
an emflamed brain; mocking at crumbled sculptures,
for the heat proclaimes itself. Candle-light laughs
at scanty thoughts, and crushing yesterdays smile
metallic impurities into your face; a cry for alchemical
longing, where the snake of time can nesting, snuffling
all obscene languages to a paint-brush of holiness.
An broadcasting catches invisible strings, and crying
discrimination burns to ashes.

Author notes

Picture Inspired. Picture is called "Unravelling Fire 2" by carts on www.deviantart.com
No more than 20 lines.
Author: Nevel
"Amaranthine Lover"

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Amaranthine Lover gold member
    October 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed this piece, but you had way too many spelling and grammatical errors. Please fix for yourself.

    • Nevel
      October 8, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      hi, thanks for the Hm. I shall edit it, glad you already enjoyed my piece.

      • Amaranthine Lover gold member
        October 8, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        I did. I figured you weren't a native English speaker, which the errors are then acceptable. I hope you add me back! You are a much better poet in English then some of my American friends

        • Nevel
          October 8, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          Thats a huge complement! Thank you! Of course I add you back. I still see myself as a beginner...and still learning, of course.
          Erwin

  • Errant Panther gold member
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very thought provoking piece you have presented here, perhaps one needs to read this a few times before unravelling some of the abstract messages.

  • MysticalRayne gold member
    August 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully done ~

  • MysticalRayne gold member
    August 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Good Luck !!!!!!


    • Nevel
      August 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thank you, hopefully I can produce today some thoughts...
  • K a t gold member
    August 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    good luck brother in this contest...

    hmm I'm in deep thought.. thinking perhaps I'm in over my head here. competition is kind of heating up. lol


    kat
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