Suppression binds confining fury,
As Reality's kiss lay sweetly dead,
ashes smoulder but who's in a hurry?
Don't answer, I can't hear you
buzzing sound disturbs my head. .
Matches need no fires, I can
burn alone on bottled up rage
to purify my wire sharp tongue-
or hope will soften jaded views,
but honestly, not a single clue
will heat this bed tonight.
Reaction's involuntary, intense
circuits bare, in sad tragedies
sparks fly dangerously close to
what my wickedly simple desires
hope is intrinsically spiteful,
a delicious display of defiance in
sways of hip, or from teasing lips
beg as none sound ever so helpless. . .
"Teach me now, I'm ready to learn. . ."
Author notes
Credit: "Unravelling Fire II" by carts on www.deviantart.com
20 lines
Using sex as a weapon. I think that best describes this write.
A contest entry
- Deep Thought PIF by Errant Panther.
610 points, ended August 17, 2008, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Yep,
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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This poem is well written..
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Glad to see I'm not the only one who thought of an egg beater after reading the first stanza..
Anger, passion, bitterness, desire.. so closely linked, and so beautifully portrayed here, as usual.
Congratz on the hardware and the clappy dudes!
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A poem that burns with passion!
Another fine job here Jinny! Good work and powerful way with the expression! Congratulations on the silver!!
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Matches need no fires,
not a single clue
will heat this bed tonight.
intense circuits bare
sparks fly
wickedly simple desires
delicious display
sways of hip
teasing lips
beg
"Teach me now..."
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Congrats on winning the silver. I enjoyed this very much.
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As usual, powerful!
"Matches need no fires, I can
burn alone on bottled up rage."
This is just a sample of very powerful emotions revealed in this poem. Anger is of course openly discussed, but did I detect a hint of desire for revenge in the poem and strong frustration because something is preventing that from happening?
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A very intriguing and in depth piece that explores the dangers when desire, reality and hope collide.
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I'm impressed by your wonderfully use of imagery in this poem, switching from an abstact to a introspective view..without disturbing the flow...your poem stands as granite. From a first rhyming stanza, to a free-verse stanza (My favorite!) " a delicate display of defiance" a subtile alliteration, well done! Your third stanza simply sings to me. A wonderful constructed poem! Good luck in the contest
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A Muse's Dream... With Metaphor Galore!!!
Such an outstanding piece is worthy of the golden chalice... Wishing you the best of luck in this contest, dear Poetess!!!
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what a beautiful poem I enjoyed it from beginning to end. How beautifully penned and thank you for sharing.
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Lots of emotion in this piece.This is an unruly weapon that can turn itself on the user, giving no satisfaction in the end.Really well thought out.Very expressive.Full of anger and anguish.It fits the picture perfectly.Well done.I hope you do well.You should, Ros
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Oh this is a wonderful write. Intense and well written. Excellent stuff.
Jem
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I read this aloud to "feel" it ...and I did.
What an excellent poem.
Amazing really, the way you have expressed such raw emotion, so beautifully. -
Well now! what have we here? Sometimes one word comments are the best. You suspected me of brevity. Actually quite amazing display of grey matter and pirouetting emotion. Quite frightning, actually...
Since I know context. Very, very tight. remember the piece we had to flip around? Are you the same poet? -
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do you have to be right all the time?
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woah...
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Hello. A strong piece, some great imagery coupled with nice diction. There are some excellent lines in here, which convey the bottled up emotion well. Nice to read you stand up for yourself, as it should be. I wish you well in the contest. My regards.
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Bravo
A very finely and potently done piece, indeed!
"spiteful, a delicious display of defiance"
A most delicious line of alliteration, loved it, loved it! Bravo!
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Oh My!
Wow, JinSays...this was pretty flippin' cool. Especially the picture you used at the top. The muse for the poem is definitely deep and sad, but trust me, I've been there too. Heck, I'm there now. But, no worries, I'm getting better I watched Anger Management the other day, that always helps, lol.
I'd have to say my favorite part of this would probably have to be
"Matches need no fires, I can
burn alone on my bottled up rage"
These two lines were so intense. It's perfectly placed to grab the reader and keep them bound and wanting more. I definitely found myself in that situation, boredom being far from the picture.
Well...n-e-wayz...
Good luck in your contest and keep up the writing, cuz it's the shizzle.
Peace, Love, and Zen always,
~*~Zenity
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bzzzzzzzzzzzzz. great piece, ms. jin. particularly i like the 'i'm ready to learn' ending because it sounds so dangerously close to 'burn'. oh. there is a burning, yearning through you. -silverfish
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