she rises and falls
like the smallest breath
of an empty child
Author notes
Word Count: 11
In a list
A contest entry
- solitude by tara wilson.
2700 points, ended August 20, 2008, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think (Critical Honesty Appreciated)
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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lovely
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I think we are more aware of our breathing in solitude...this is a beautiful moment of 'meditation' here..it reads sad to me...I just feel a sense of depletion in this poem...I suppose it's because of the empty child line...
thanks so much for this entry, Kate
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EXCELLENT
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Interesting take on the prompt.
Thanks for this.
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yes, this is absolutely lovely. a soft yet striking image in its own respect. and that opening line just has this wave-like connotation, and i love that.
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aww, here it is. I like the extended version of this, but I can definitely see where the inspiration came from.
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ooooo this somehow also (since i read the extended version) reminds me of a snippet you wrote before... i think it was workshopped in the group or something... i have a bad memory.
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And this was the orginal huh?
Still good, but I like how you extended it also,
and seeing both, makes it even more effective.
For me, at least.
Good luck in the contest.
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