[ the Decision ]

THE DECISION

It is cold outside.
The sky is overcast and gray.
Off in the distance I can see lightning as it strikes and hear the thunder of a fast approaching storm.  The musky smell of rain is in the air.  Suddenly a drop of rain hits my head.  Then another and another until finally it is raining at a steady pace.

Quickly I pull my felt cap down around my cold ears.  I cross my arms against my chest in a vain attempt at keeping warm.  However, it does not take long before I start to shiver from the cold.  Nevertheless, I am determined to watch you as you leave.

It is your choice.  It has always been.  I need you to understand that I will not force you into something that you do not want or need.

Suddenly you pause in your heart-wrenching damnable slow-paced walk briefly to look back at me with those wonderfully expressive dark eyes of yours.  You look torn.  Like a being pulled in two different directions at once.  Indecision, usually a rare trait for you, briefly shows on your usually stoic expression.  You softly sigh.  And I hear the pain you are feeling deep within my heart.

Hope eternal begins to spring within my wildly beating heart only to be shattered once again, as you turn back and continue your ever so slow but deliberate walk away from me.

Truly, I do not understand the decision you have made.  Do you think that I will not miss you?  Or do you think that I will just turn around and forget all about you.  Do you not realize that you were the best thing to happen to me?

So I stand here out in the cold rain watching heart-brokenly, as you continue to walk slowly away from me.  Yearning to reach out and touch you.  Trying desperately to understand this terrible decision, you have made.  Struggling deep inside myself to accept that which I feel I cannot change.  Wondering silently what it is that has led us to this place.  Praying with everything that I am that we do not end here.