dear diary,
welcome to the countdown; t-minus four days and counting. i swear i've cut the ties, though my heart is still hanging on the thread of his name; i hear it whispered alongside the dull thud of my pulse. it was a clean break, mutual, beautiful -- live laugh love and say goodbye smiling [that's what we did, oh, we are the picture perfect couple, we died together like synchronized energizer bunnies, running out of batteries in tandem].
and there's no point in staying anymore because his hands are gone, leaving my skin tingling in the places that he used to touch. for the best for the best for the best repeats like a mantra in my brain so i don't have to think anymore. everything that held me once to this godforsaken town has flown away; all that's left are heartstrings blowing in the wind.
they all say oh honey dearest, it'll be wonderful, fabulous, greatest experience of your life and they're probably right. when my heart is whole again i'll know. but right now i wish wish wish i could stay in this summer, eighteen forever with his hand in mine and quiet i-love-you's hiding in my breath [because i could never say it out loud, i could never tell him how much he meant when we had a built-in expiration date].
but i think that my heart will rise with the dawn. my midnights are still devoted to him because he's the one tie that my dulled scissors are too tired to sever. in time i'll be brave enough to hold a razor to it and slash blindly, praying that my heart will continue beating with nothing left to hold it in place... and it will, because hope is just around the corner; i can see it shining from the other side of the street. right now the crosswalk is stuck on DON'T GO, its red light blinking tenaciously [holding onto the memories, broken broken broken overandover again], but i know that the okay-to-walk will signal soon enough.
i've just never been good at endings; i stop the movie before the happily-ever-after because i want the world to stay the way it is in the smiling scenes, where everyone's in love and laughing. the thing is, nothing's ever as good as it is in the beginning, so undo the ending, won't you, diary?
when i wake up tomorrow,
tell me i've been dreaming
and that i don't have be grown up
anymore.
Author notes
so i'm off to college in four days. i don't have a real diary anymore and i was reading this contest and i saw that title and i was like, hey, that's kind of how i feel right now. and i know it's not a poem and if it doesn't do well in this contest, i'll probably delete it and that's just fine. but you said prose was 'acceptable' so i figured what the hell, i'm not up for a decent poem right at this very moment anyway. so i apologize if this is not what you wanted. and most everything i write is twenty times better than this, i swear.
A contest entry
- + U-V Song Titles + by xxRainbowDawnxx.
450 points, ended August 17, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Whatever you want to say. Critiques, anything. :)
Comments
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I love your last verse. When the guy of my dreams asked me out, I couldn't believe it either. Dreams are short hoeer so we just have to enjoy them while we can.
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I really love this. I can feel the emotions so well. I absolutely love all of the descriptions and details you used. They add so much to the piece.
"when i wake up tomorrow,
tell me i've been dreaming
and that i don't have be grown up
anymore."
^^^^^^^^^^^I feel like that soooo often. I wish I could be a little kid again. Things were so much better then.
Anyways, amazing write doll. I love it.
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very passionate.
first prose I've got, but it's very expressive.
I can feel so many different emotions during this, it kind of makes my head whirl, but in a good way mostly
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well damnit.
I fucking love every little bit of this. of your heart speaking volumes in so many little words. this was beautiful and made my head spin.
I truly love it.
"i've just never been good at endings; i stop the movie before the happily-ever-after because i want the world to stay the way it is in the smiling scenes, where everyone's in love and laughing. the thing is, nothing's ever as good as it is in the beginning, so undo the ending, won't you, diary?
when i wake up tomorrow,
tell me i've been dreaming
and that i don't have be grown up
anymore. "
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