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Going the Distance

If I follow you too the the ends of the earth
will you think of me as all am worth
And if you think I travel far
without the use of the motor car

Going to any lengths to share our love
beyond the idea's of what's normal
From sky above from ground's worble
So I sent you a widget to fidget with

If I thought you'd love me more than my profile
I go the distance so we can dance and smile
a marathon of miles around the face and floor
And before you I'd politely open up any door

I spent a sketch opening a constellation
of doors, to reach your intentions
For miles I'd pray for your safe journey
In my artificial spirit box of beanies

Each footprint made is followed by more earth
You could track my distance for what it's worth
You can imagine the difficult measures I took
To match you up and cast my harmless hook

A contest entry

A poem that rhythm's

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Allyce May gold member
    August 26, 2008

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    Indeed we did ask for no end-line rhyme and I think you've been a little hasty with the entry - it could have been much tighter than it was. As Nicolette said, "will you think of me as all am worth" does not really make sense. Also, the apostrophe in "idea's" is not necessary. I'm not particularly good at rhyme myself, but in my opinion your meter is off - it doesn't flow as well as it should. This said though, you have depicted the idea of distance as we asked and in an interesting way.

    Thanks for sharing


    • Robbwindow
      August 27, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks Allyce

      I'm glad your taking the time to understand my poetry, your a good writer keep doing whatever it is.

      Love n Light

      Rob B.


  • Nicolette gold member
    August 24, 2008

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    Okay... we did say no end-line rhyming and the rhyming here was a bit too predictable. But there are some nice phrases in this poem. I liked the contradiction of "harmless hook" in the last line. I was wondering if this line "will you think of me as all am worth" shouldn't read "...as all I'm worth"? I also thought you did get the message of "going the distance" across. Thank you for this entry.

    ~ Nicolette


  • Solidified
    August 13, 2008

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    I felt as if I was going in circles and returning to the same point again and again while reading this. Enjoyed it. Good tackle on rhyming

    • Robbwindow
      August 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      I know the feeling

      Thanks for noticing my attempts to rhyme I've been going around in circles for years and have always ended up coming home to roost. Thanks for your comment this was very quickly written at 5 am. My footprint is as big as my love hopefully it travels well and lasts longer than a lifetime (said he with a mind of possibilities). It's posts like this that keep me writing thanks Solidified.

1 - 5 of 5