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Samurai

Noble Samurai
Your sword defeats the serpent
A battle of craft

Author notes

Haiku inspired by the image "Chusenko Teitokuson" by Kuniyoshi {http://www.theartofjapan.com/ArtDetail.asp?Size=med&Inv=02081648}

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments


  • yukitosumi
    August 14, 2008

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    Awesome! You managed to combine all three options perfectly! I was really hoping someone would be able to do that!
    It is a good haiku, but I would consider re-wording the second line, which feels out-shined by the third line (which I love) and the first line which is perfectly simple. I like the concept of the second line... just not how it's said. I won't give you specific suggestions because I would like this poem to remain completely yours. One thing I will say, however, is that the choice of words you made in the second line, linguistically speaking, are excellent. "defeats" is a very sharp word, reminiscent of the sword, and the soft Ss in "sword" and "serpent" are very reminiscent of...the serpent (go figure ) Like I said, it IS good. If you decided that you like your poem just the way it is then that is perfectly fine, it is still good, but if you decide to play with it a little more--take your time--you can send me a message or post on the contest page asking me to take a second look and I will reevaluate your piece. Like I said, it's good, but I think that with a little more work it could be VERY good.
    Keep in touch!
    El


  • Seven Kinky
    August 13, 2008

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    Ahh man...these haikus are everywhere today! They provoke my envy. I can't write them. *shakes head* Nicely done.