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Out with Reality

You know the delicacy
that falls between scars
making it’s way to repair
what will never quite repair;

How it blushes at glance
tinted in hues of what was given,
     
a word
          a promise
                 a ring
?

It’s meanings lost beyond the eye
squinting screams of glee
upon honeymoons and flowers
trickling the essence of old games
  about how he loves me,
           and he loves me not.

But now in misconception you can conceive
                       nothing,
to save the daylight with kisses
while you trample life
that rejuvenated the world.

I’ve wished over the moon
while twilight called upon love,
lover it is you I love
and if not I have cast my tongue
on crimson’s despair.

Bleed dry this pounding heart
that occupied every wish within your name
you spoke to Gods that were in truth,
                                                  
  men
as I bowed to the greater good of gullible.

Looking forward to foreshadowed forecasts
I’ve grasped comprehension past petals
      growing from the stem
            that carried the thorn;

I gripped the flourishing green
through grim reapers whispers,
and added scarlet drops
that would sooner turn black.

We don’t bleed oblivion
but with hairdryers and arid weather
we cultivate annihilation.

You sent me a dozen
so many reasons to consider
and believe you meant,

But I accepted the invitation of us;
                       singing I do's

      while pulling out the weeded rose.

Author notes

hope this is what you wanted or had in mind, *sigh*
i think it suxxs.lol

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 33 of 33

  • Viva La Vie Boheme
    August 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It doesn't suck!

    And I think I'm gonna add you to my faves, because I've falled in love with this poem, and the last I read. I'll explore more of your work later!

    This is amazing. Honestly. From beginning to end. And I don't think I can say much more than that!


  • RainbowSky
    August 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    one word.

    breathtaking.


  • misshugglebugglez
    August 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ya know, you are a super awesome poet, and your works are beautiful. good vocabulary. i'm gonna add you as a favorite because i really want to hear more poems from you. i wish i was that talented! nicely done!
    -pb fudge


  • etoile
    August 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow i'm speechless
    i love your style of writing
    and the way you use so many different creative unique images is really wonderful.


    I gripped the flourishing green
    through grim reapers whispers,
    and added scarlet drops
    that would sooner turn black.
    ---
    loving that stanza a lot.
    its beautiful.

  • Francis Vincent
    August 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    superb

    ".....about how he loves me,
    and he loves me not....."


    i did that
    when i would take the kids to the park, walk around the neighborhood
    i would pick a daisy
    loves me, loves me not
    it always had enough petals for an last pick of "loves me"
    so much identification with your cupid imagery
    excellent


  • And Hyetal
    August 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    'upon honeymoons and flowers
    trickling the essence of old games
    about how he loves me,
    and he loves me not.'

    ugh, I don't know what to say! Everything here is just so perfect.

    I need to get writing for this contest. Maybe I shouldn't bother because you've already entered the gold winner here.



    ~Cassie

    • luna-midnight gold member
      August 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      hahaha, i dont know about that

      and no way! you totally have to enter your poems rock my poems socks off

      lol. *Hugs*


  • stephilou
    August 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Really great!!


    the other Stephanie


  • buffsab99
    August 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    I love it sweet daughter. Your imagry is so beautiful. While the ending is sad and positive pulling out the weeded rose can also mean preparing to renew life.


  • Cannonsfire
    August 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Did you mean 'tinted' in the second stanza? I really liked this sissy, it holds some visuals of the rose with its thorns but then you brought into it the relationship of two people and made it very strong, it held me all the way to the end. I don't think you give yourself enough credit, this is really quite a strong piece of writing. be proud hun


  • earthstar
    August 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love the ending ,But I accepted the invitation of us; singing I do's while pulling out the weeded rose.My husband died in May my brother just past away. I feel like my life is full of weeds. I did not know how tiring a widow life could be at this time. It remind me of so many things and brought back forget memories. It beautiful and brilliant. I truly wish I could come up with something so wonderful. Great job


  • Never Fall in Love
    August 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    bloody brilliant [excuse the french]


  • Wandering Woodchuck silver member
    August 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Nicely done. Great job. The line breaks work well to display your feelings. I dunt think it suxxs.

    Great job.

    Mike


  • Dajuan
    August 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I felt devotion of that emotion.It has that smooth gentle wramth about it.


  • Angelflower
    August 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow.. well, you sure know how to express emotion I'll tell ya that..Lol. You really did such a wonderful job with this hun.. It's just so expressive.. And really heartfelt.. *hugs* You did a great job with the write..


    Angel


    Oh yeah and I really like the background..Lol.


  • Melissa Burns
    August 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Long but worth the time spent! Love these lines immensly can't spell today lol
    ....
    I’ve wished over the moon
    while twilight called upon love,
    lover it is you I love
    and if not I have cast my tongue
    on crimson’s despair.

    Great work!!!!!!


  • apples fell
    August 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    I hope your authors comments were a joke as I found this quite solid. My only critique so to speak is just about some random things that I notice in writing and it could very well be just my craziness. Let me first stay that you have made rose imagery that does not suck. I did not want to tear my eyes out and feed them to a duck. I thought you might run with the idea, but I didn't think you would use the imagery quite so efficiently. The critique: "that squinted screams of glee" - The "that" here I think could be cut...The line would read fine without it. And the rest of my critique is just to see if you can weed (no pun intended) out a few filler words. I really loved the detail that went into this one and honestly, I think this is the type of caliber of poetry I was most hoping for in this contest. "We don’t bleed oblivion
    but with hairdryers and arid weather
    we cultivate annihilation." - A great stanza. Yes, I think you have a lot to be proud of here. The format and the very telling nature I think benefits the piece. This is sadly beautiful, but also, important. I felt this one quite a bit.

    Thanks so much for the entry and good luck.

    ;

    • luna-midnight gold member
      August 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      idk....i like having my words to coonect the idea to
      and well its personnel...so lets hope you could feel something from it
      hahaha...i aways thought the term bleed black was funny...and when i tied it to well things ive done..it came out like that...cause dried blood tends to shade deep drown and black, it depends on the layer of thickness of the blood though, but if your ding from it i can bet thelayer would be pretty solid, making it deeper and so on, but now im getting scientific and im not all for science so ill shut up...

      • apples fell
        August 13, 2008
        Edit | Reply

        I could very much connect with this and that certainly was never in question. Dried blood actually is quite dark when it dries and depending on the exit wound, it can appear in almost a purplish color...Especially if you hit a vein, etc...But I think we all think about things like that or else we wouldn't be poets, right? you can get all scientific...Just as long as you continue to think...I really don't care if you go on and on.

        ;

        • luna-midnight gold member
          August 13, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          but see i dont like science
          or well idk, i guess it depends..lol. dont get me ranting

          yes i guess it all does depend, but i was meaning the blood after its bleed out and then dried after awhile.lol

          and do you like the bg i just made for it lol
          i just learned to make bg's

          • apples fell
            August 13, 2008
            Edit | Reply

            LOL. Ok I won't get you ranting. Blood has a weird smell as well...If you really get close to it...But that's for another conversation altogether. Yes I do...You made the background you say? Well it suits the poem quite nicely.

            • luna-midnight gold member
              August 13, 2008
              Edit | Reply
              but ranting is fun okay ill try to behave

              yes it does...lol, i really knwo what you mean, but whats strange about me, or blood, is the way it comes out from diff cuts, like sometimes its so slow you can pull back and watch small light specks of red form, the it comes quicker, and fills, then drops, getting fuller and deeper...rather intriguing.lol

              yes i just made it, especially for the poem,lol. you can use it if you want
              i can make you a bg if you ever want one

              • apples fell
                August 13, 2008
                Edit | Reply

                Oh the conversation of how blood forms is quite becoming...You could write tons of books on it, from the looks. Well, whenever I accidentally cut myself, I usually am trying to find something to stop it with...LOL. But next time, I will look closer...

                I might just take you up on that advice if a poem seems to suit the background...Of course, I will include your name in the authors notes and with credit.

                • luna-midnight gold member
                  August 13, 2008
                  Edit | Reply
                  hahaha, yes i could write about blood, it's like..idk fasinating.lol
                  accidently? lol....and hey well maybe you shold stop it, but with me, im just lik eoh im bleeding cool, and yeah i guess im weird

                  haha, or i can do one for your homepage, or w/e
                  and yay!

                  • apples fell
                    August 13, 2008

                    Edit | Reply

                    LOL. I just always think, even if it's a small cut, that I'm bleeding too death...LOL.So usually I am more worried about stopping it... Someday I might ask you to make me one for my home page, but the only problem is I'm far to picky about my home page...LOL. But maybe you could make me one for a poem eventually...That would be cool.

                    • luna-midnight gold member
                      August 13, 2008
                      Edit | Reply
                      omg, you would so die if you saw me bleed then, cause well its happened a few times, but liek once, i cut while shaving, it slipped, got my leg really bad, and covered my front part of my leg in blood, but i was like w/e and read a book, then mom came home and almost had a cow.lol...it was kinda funny.

                      well, if you tell me what you want, i might be able to do it

                      and anyways what are you up tos

                      • apples fell
                        August 13, 2008
                        Edit | Reply

                        I would die...LOL.

                        I'm just about to get off to eat...Perhaps later we can chat about whatever more. I worked lots today and just vegetated on here the rest of the time...
                        Catch you soon hun.

                        • luna-midnight gold member
                          August 13, 2008

                          Edit | Reply
                          hahaha, it would be funny to see your reaction *poke*

                          and okays, eat well

                          awww, poor you..lol
                          i cleaned majorl 0.o

                          catch you later James *hugs*

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