you hold me tighter
dragging me...
i'm a sack
lumpy and misshapen
you say it will be alright
nothing will hurt you
[except maybe me]
i'm tired of looking like
i've been in a dark room
pale and
too scared
to see light
i'm tired of acting like what we do is right...
Author notes
still needs work but there you go...
A contest entry
- the darkness... by PrabhuDayal Khattar.
400 points, ended August 27, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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I LOVE this.
Really.
It's so...I can't even explain why I like it so much. It's just so...well...it reminds me of something.
I LOVE the lines:
"i'm tired of looking like
i've been in a dark room"
&
"i'm tired of acting like what we do is right..."
How wonderful. An amazing write.
I am definitely adding this to my bookmarks.
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Yes you have sketched the sentiments by the pen..and that is the reality of life.. my thanks for sharing such a wonderful piece..well done...
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too scared
to see light
i'm tired of acting like what we do is right...
=O
do i see a rhyme!???? =O
hahahha
maybe just those two little lines..but ets a start hahah.. -
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some of the new stuff rhymes
=P
i expect a comment on everything missy
!!
hahahah
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oooh i like this
its quite dark and mysterious
'i'm a sack
lumpy and misshapen'
those lines felt kinda awkward to me and random
but i did like the imagery in them
best of luck in the contest <3 -
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i thought so too
im still trying to fix it
so thank you for telling me what you think
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Very good. This poem stirs up a lot of images and really seems to share some strong feelings. I like it a lot.
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thank you
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"i'm tired of acting like what we do is right... " this is what got me. I love it. You seriously are a very gifted writter.
I can't really relate to this one, but something did grab my attention and hold onto it.
Fantastic!!!
Saint Tracey. -
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aww
thank you!
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oOo i lovvve the last lines!!
and
i love the metaphorness whats going on
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nothing is going on
it just was like
idk
came out?
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Might want to run a spell check on this. I saw quite a few spelling mistakes. Otherwise...interesting write. Loved the comparisons you draw in the first stanza. Original, to say the least. Cheers.
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well done! this was very good.
A small typo.....excpet, you might like to change.
*hugs*
Slayer
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thank you daddy
[hahahah]
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