Under the cold, diamond flecked sky
Lay two lovers, you and I
A story told by many before
Of a love where passion’s soar.
Our twisted fate lie in wiry hands
All caught up in the world’s demands
And we know we’re never to be
This love of ours is never free.
My hearts kept tight in locks and chains
All tied up within my veins
And you, my dear, have not the key
But if I close my eyes, I’ll never see.
If you hold me close and oh, so tight
And whisper to me throughout the night
Tell the lies of what cannot be
The fairy tale of you and me.
And say our silent broken prayer.
And tell me softly “Almost Juliet, we’re almost there”
Author notes
I've never done a rhyming poem before and I'm a bit worried about how it sounds. Do the rhymes feel forced?
A contest entry
- Imaginary by know one.
750 points, ended August 29, 2008, 109 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - No rules just Write by catalyst..
320 points, ended September 22, 2008, 23 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Like it? Be honest!
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
i think this is a great poem.it really made me think, that love is someting to be cherished.something to hold on to
-
The rhyming in this was amazing. this imagery and just the whole message, great write
-
I wouldn't say that the rhymes were forced. Some of them could be a tad improved, but I think it flowed nicely. Besides, not every poem has to be precise. I find that the hidden message behind the mess of words is always more important than the structure in most cases.
Lovely
~ Socky
-
this is beautiful. when you said you've only been writing poetry since January, i must say that i was a bit skeptical- but this poem pushed any doubt aside. you are a fantastic poet, and the last line resonated wonderfully. i love the lines "our twisted fate lie in wiry hands/all caught up in the world's demands", and "and you, my dear, have not the key/but if i close my eyes, i'll never see."
you write with a deceptive simplicity, and a fine sense of insight, and i dearly hope you will write a great deal more
-
This is amazing, Emily. I love the rhyme and the flow. It's wonderful. And, the story told is amazing. The way you told it-breathtaking. Thank you for sharing. This is my favorite of yours, I think. Keep it up. You have a way with rhymes.
--Genesis.
-
-
Thanks!
-
-
I love I don't think the rhymes sound forced at all it flows wonderfully
-
-
Ok, thanks!
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
