i dropped a peach
and watched a pink world
rolling away
carrying with it
small things like
slumber
honey
and other
possibilities
but he said:
take my hand
live while you can
don’t you know
i see you
beyond the grays
the graves
that fill the ground
like white pills
each one telling
another side of
your stories
he was kind
this ordinary boy
his limbs still
strong
when others failed him
and summer
finds a clean bed
in his belly
while stars
slip into him
like good shoes
and i let his words
pour over me
this brown water
covering the white
of death and the thoughts of
bone
come
take my hand
and we’ll live
while they
can’t
so
he gathers me
like cut flowers
my moth eyes
against the fire of his neck
and we murmur
like chairs
like coffee pots
and stretch beneath
the poetry of the sun
Author notes
I rarely write soft emotions, mostly because I feel I suck at it. lol But this is for my darlin' JP...someone who knows me better than most and who appreciates everything that is about me, even when I'm not at my prettiest. For him, I can do no less, and I just want to take this moment and tell him...thank you for seeing me. I know one day, we'll get to sit in those chairs and murmur over coffeepots.
Happy Birthday, my favorite peach! 
NOTE: some parts quoted from Vanessa Carlton's 'Just An Ordinary Day'.
A contest entry
- the atlantic. by iverbthenoun.
300 points, ended August 19, 2008, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
-
JP is marvelous, isn't he.
I adore this poem.
especially the last stanza.
it stole my breath.
-
Nice & Naughty
I love the sentiment. Isn't like, love, and lust just wonderful! Lovely little thought here,
"and stretch beneath
the poetry of the sun"
Howard
-
Hehe I love that song! Her first two albums are really awesome. Anyhooo, you do NOT suck at soft emotions, trust me! I think that every one of your poems has a soft, gentle feel to it which I love
He is quite an amazing fellow who I've gotten to know recently. Everything in this poem is beautiful and I'm positive he loved every word. You have such a big heart
Jeanette*~
-
bookmarked. don't ever feel you 'suck' at being tender...when your heart is full, just open a valve
and let it flow...like you've done here. Love, Lane
-
You just have this amazing ability to ease into a readers mind and make them FEEL the words, be in the zone with them and come out breathing deep. I know I do not know you as well as some, but still read your work...every single one that I see and every single one has that effect on me. This is softer than most of yours but still with that edgy feel that only you can do...
I want to be you in my next life
♥Becky♥
-
Beautiful poem, thoughtful expression of such good emotion that the intimacy felt is shared by the reader. I love 'pink world' and 'slumber/honey' and 'like good shoes' and 'murmur/stretch'.
-
"JP" must be as fortunate to have you in his life as you are to have him in yours. The soft side of you always seemed to shine pastels in my window. Your words make me breathe a deep sigh, and cause me to swoon over a love and tenderness that I can attest to as well.
I cannot understand why I don't visit more often. Your "poetry" always sways me.
BEAUTIFUL!
Always ♥
Renee
-
Excellent poem and JP brings out the best in us. I don't think luck is needed with this entry.
-
I loved this babes. I felt like the words were yours to him and that was the most important part of the expression. You made the poetry come alive and stream forward like a running stream...I wanted to dip my hands into the water and cup the fish that gathered there. The last stanza is perfect. You know what I always say: "The heart comes first in poetry, then the edits". But I don't think you should touch this anymore, even if you hadn't anyways. I loved it for what is right in the world...The gift of giving to someone who deserves it.
;
-
perfect. I want to write like you when I grow up.
Meg~
-
This is a softer-side of you, and is one that is just as effective. I know I say beautiful alot, but it really is.
I wish I knew him as well.
-
Majestic!
-
-
You are sweeter than a bagful of good German gummi bears!
Thank you...
-
-
this has such wonderful pacing to it, each line, every syllable, every break...
beautiful poetry..I love the last stanza so much, the metaphor of the murmurs
One of these nights, I am going to your page, and reading all of your poems
-
Just a beautiful piece of work here and I can see JP appreciated every bit of it and I appreciate being able to see it too. Love, C
-
P.S. I'm not sure how to make the crying face. You are both amazing
I AM ALSO DRUNK; however, this is irrelevant - heh heh!
-
-
LOL!
-
-
"while stars
slip into him
like good shoes"
Christ. You are a benchmark, I hope you know that. I'm terrified of entering your contest by the way Until I write like you two, my efforts are futile
-
Great !
Another wonderful piece of poetry I loved this one show talent good imagery and your love comes across right on target. There were no errors. Or No typos. Nothing I Would change. I look forward to your next poem
-
i know it's all the craze to feel obligated to approach every poem like you are the editor for the New Yorker and crit the hell out of everything, but would it be ok if i just told you i liked this very much and enjoyed the read
-
-
It is more than ok...your words are not only appreciated, but also very humbly accepted.
Thank you.
-
-
you are absolutely amazing, and i am honored to have you as a prominent part of my life darcy. you amaze me with your words, and this is nothing short of your usually greatness. it's just AMAZING that it is about yours truly, and it's great to know that we both appreciate our friendship for what it is..something of beauty. thank you for everything, picking me up when i'm down and riding the peaks with me. here's to many more.
-
yes he has that affect.. doesn't he??
amazingly so..
and this is wonderful
-
This is really pretty. I was kind of surprised at how soft it was because you don't usually write that but I understood after reading your author notes. It's so great when you find someone that you can relate you. I'm sure he really appreciates it. I would if someone wrote something like that for me.
-
-
i love jp, vanessa carlton, and this poem
Adding your comment:
1 - 26 of 26
