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[[Baby]] Life May Be A Show, But You're Sure As Hell Not Prince Charming

You entered my life,
Un expected,
And stole my heart,

Without warning.

                               p
You [[locked]] me u

In a metal cage
And took
  A

W

A

Y

My l/i/b/e/r/t/i/e/s

The way you s m i l e d ,
[When you made me cry]
Made me *melt*
The look in your eyes ,
[When you a . b . u . s . e . d me]
Left me speechless.
((Along with scars.))


But Darling I forgive you,
I know it's only because,
You had too much to D.R.I.N.K

Let me

F
A
L
L

Into <-- your arms,
Hold (me) tight,
And don’t let go.

Sewing ~strings~
I * N * T * O my limbs,
You turned me into,
Your life sized / ~ marionette ~ /

C
O
N
T
R
O
L
L
I
N
G

My every move.
[Baby]
I'd do anything,
For you
I'm your sweet baby doll,
Love me, h U r T me,
Use me.

You’re the [ [ one ] ]
That I want.
You’re the one,
That I * love *


& & Honey if you left me,
No one else,
Would love
A m.e.s.s
Like me .




Author notes

EvenStarsBreak--x

My second Dirty Pretty write, I know it's a bit over punctuated but I hope it's still good. Tell me what you think.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 27 of 27

  • WonderingForever
    August 15
    Edit | Reply
    i really loved this poem.
    dirty pretty is amazing. :]


  • AshesFromFire
    August 15
    Edit | Reply
    Oh! Well that was interesting!
    Thanks for entering my contest to help educate me!


  • XxNinjaNemoxX
    August 12

    Edit | Reply
    I don't think it's overpunctuated. I tend to like dirty pretty exactly like this. Not too much punctuation and not too little either.
    I really liked this, it flowed and the subject I can relate to.
    Thanks for entering and best of luck
    xoxo.


  • KaylaSHIKARI
    August 11
    Edit | Reply
    I love this. Very flowy^_^


  • Antebellum
    February 26
    Edit | Reply
    I really like the format of this..its interesting.

  • LookAway
    February 12
    Edit | Reply
    you wrote it very funny. but good job!


  • L.Jay
    January 18
    Edit | Reply
    wow this was beautiful. i loved the style you wrote it in!


  • Jocelyn.Jaded
    November 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    This was amazing, like the way you wrote it too :] anyhoo, you have a good talent. Love the poem x] and it has a lot of meaning. Great write


  • JustsimplyKatiee.
    November 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I'm speachless...


    Wow, Simply amazing, and COLORFUL! [: Haha I love it sooooooooooooooooooooooo much!

    Okai yew know how people leave really long Comments? I mean it's just like so not nessary. Cause it'll go on forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and everand ever and ever and everrrrrrrr. I mean who wants to sit there and read someone's Comment that is pointless? Not me of course. I mean how hard is to put the truth in a simple senteces or two? Honestly... Haha.
    x[[♥]]x


  • Cali
    October 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love this, but I'd prefer if it was all in regular form.
    That way, you guy more of a mental picture.

    Amazing write. <3


  • glitterydoom
    October 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love it
    I also love all the colours
    and I love how you said maroinette rather than just puppet.
    amazing write
    thankyou for entering my contest
    and good luck


  • Carpe Noctem
    October 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this. The ending was very powerful in its helplessness. Very strong emotion, and a nice dirty pretty write. Thanks a lot for entering, and best of luck!


  • lowercase prelude gold member
    October 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Truly amazing
    Painful, honest, raw
    Speaks of things many people know all too well


  • Mrs. Moretti
    September 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is absolutely breathtaking! I love this!


  • SchizoChic
    September 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Nice job here. I like it. Thanks for entering and best of luck.


  • Curious LiLi
    September 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Amazing.
    That's all I can say!


  • MelissahhMidnite
    August 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    over punctuation =
    Good luck!

    MelissahhMidnit


  • CharcoalScreams
    August 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    hey this is awesome. Im listening to Metro Stations' 'Control' & your write & this song seem to fit in nicely together in some way.. =]

    I really enjoyed this. I don't usually like Dirty Pretty but this, I did.

    Good luck in the contest,
    xXx

    Sammie.


  • x-dont -ask-me-x
    August 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Nicole I so Wish I could right like u its so beautiful I love it and I think I know who inppired this lol


  • Walking Oxymoron gold member
    August 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It's very good.

    I have no Idea what you mean by 'Dirty Pretty', but I like the style. (Although have to say the way liberties was written made it too hard to read...)

    This was best-
    The way you smiled,
    [When you made me cry]
    Made me *melt*
    The look in your eyes,
    [When you a.b.u.s.e.d me]
    Left me speechless.
    ((Along with scars.))

    It's really sad...


  • rachetr
    August 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Why is everything around here so dark? It reads like a Killswitch Engage song.
    Not that that's necessarily bad, of course.


  • reeseXtheXsoldier
    August 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "&& Honey if you left me,
    No one else,
    Would <3 love <3
    A m.e.s.s
    Like me."

    I likethat part, but I really hate the dirty pretty. I think this piece would be so much more powerful without all of that. The words are amazing, but the dirty pretty really distracts from the meaning, you know?

    Well, thanks for writing a great piece! Bravo! And happy writing!

    The Famous Reese Bailey


  • troublesome-love
    August 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    zomfg I think I hate you lol jk geez Nicole I wish I could write like this. oh well, great poem. =]

    hahaha i alomst forgot to applaued


  • xXxDrop-the-GirlxXx
    August 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    what do you mean it sucked!?!?!
    I L.O.V.E.D. It!!!
    haha hahahahaha XD
    <3
    luv luv
    xoxo


  • FallenxAngelxMisfit
    August 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    love it nikki good job

  • JstaTch
    August 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Honey if you left me, no one else, would Love Love Love a mess like me *If that were the case, then you'd have to get to = STEPPN. And yes, it's still good. I like the honesty.

  • Curious LiLi
    August 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I'm confused...

    "You entered my life,
    Unexpected,
    And stole my Into<-- your arms,
    Hold (me) tight,
    And don’t let go."

    I don't know how to read that :[

1 - 27 of 27