It's hot
I'm cold
I can't stay awake
I'm broke and I have to work
I sense a panic attack coming on.
Oprah is ringing through my ears
The weight of my cotton robe holds my body down
I want to call for help
There is no one to call
I am doomed.
I'm lonely
I feel helpless
Nothing smells right
My unmade bed and discarded Kleenex disgust me
Time seems bleak and endless.
I think of food and my body retches
Instead of counting sheep
I make mental notes of unpaid bills, unworked hours, and
past due assignments
Anxiety seizes my feeble body
I am doomed.
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A contest entry
- Jeff's first year by cricketjeff.
4620 points, ended October 5, 2008, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - when life hurts too much by Mountainwhispers.
450 points, ended November 1, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Contest for free verse poems... PW of Sept'08 allowed by Manoj Sanyal.
370 points, ended September 15, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - NO CLICHE ! YES PREWRITES ! by Anu-Nataraj.
400 points, ended November 28, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 34 of 34
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I feel ya!
Lovely entry
-e
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uugghhh exactly how I am feeling right now....I feel every word that you've written- awesome job here
xx
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Been There
Things get better though? Maybe. Hope does burn eternal.
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Very nice write
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Yey! I love it! I love how you can show your emotions so well without going into all the usual make up/break up stuff, if you know what I mean. Well done! abi x x x
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What a read! Anyone that has ever had the flu knows just how you feel! Thank goodness, I have been lucky so far this year, and not had the flu. You did a great job reminding us of how awful it is, and it may be a good time to get the flu shot!
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once again, this strikes me funny, maybe i just have the case of the giggles today, i dont know, but it seems liek you have taken a trip into my brain when im feeling sick.
smile, there's always chicken noodle soup at kroger -
Great piece you have written here, so easy to relate to. I enjoyed reading this, thank you for sharing.
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I like how this is basically "a day in the life of...." put on paper. the imagery is strong and vivid and captures a definite scene in the reader's mind.
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Exactly how I feel when I am ill. So many things to do and no strength to do them.
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hummm....this sounds just like my life... unpaid bills, undone assignments.... and unworked hours... yup just like my life. Good write. I can definitely related to it. Thanks for sharing this and thanks for entering it into my friends reading list.
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I honestly think it's a good write for the simple fact that most adults have gone through this, are going through this, or will go through this at some point in time...I don't think you need to change anything.
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Oh god, I know this exact feeling. In my second year of college now, and I must say, drinking a bit less than before. Haha! The utter despair, and self-loathing pathetic feeling is dead on. Works for the flu too!
Always,
V
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hot.
i love it.
and though you describe "the flu"
I felt more like it was the morning after.
like the night is a mere black hole,
and the morning brings it all to light.
je l'adore.
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omg, i hate influenza! but i love love LOVED the way u described it= D "Oprah ringing through my ears..." just great!!! =) i loved it soooooooooo much! awesome job =)
great imagery... just fabulous XD
hugglez,
adria <3
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Very good imagery. Having the flu and being sick sucks and you created a great image of that here
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hahahahahaha
nice write
good luc -
CREATIVE
Very interesting piece. So simple yet so catchy. Reminds us of the horrible effects of the flu. I think it still brings out emotions one feels when having a bad day. Lovely job.
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OUCH
Tis the season to be flu bound and you will know when you get it. Ache's chills, fever, and so much more. Many will suffer, others will die and some will be damn lucky. Great write and well depicted as to the real deal. -
I saw the title and had to read your poem cuz..cough,cough...I'm sick! Well done...wish I could say it made me feel better, but now I just want my mommy! Well written! Pam
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ack i know this feeling exactly... thru flu, detoxing, an earache atm and the ptsd. even showering seems an effort and i only eat coz my husband cooks when im like that so i just eat not to hurt his feelings (altho hes a fantastic cook i just dont feel like it but he always worries about my weight)... uve described this so well... even the weight of your robe holding you down... wearing it ur too hot, off its too cold... u just cant win with the flu,
hugs,
georgie,
xxx -
I like this poem. I enjoyed the way you so blatently put the reality of feeling as being "the way things are". Very rarely when we are ill do we "feel'' doomed, we just are and that is the way it is. well done thank you for sharing!
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Good writing and thank for entering
unfortunately The contest requires a pair of poems so although I have enjoyed reading yours I cannot consider it for the final
Thanks again and all the best
Jeff
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well penned..
Best wishes and good luck,
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I enjoyed reading this good job makes you reaalize what reality realy feels like sometimes. I like your descriptions here! Thanks for entering.
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This reminds me of William Carlos Williams in its simplicity of diction and overall style. A very articulate, and relatable, description of the dreaded flu season.
Simply put: being sick sucks. -
excellent
You have an incredible effect with the simplistic reality of your words. "I am doomed" fit so perfectly I almost felt the weight of being sick and over-burdened. Bravo. -
Nights of the twilight zone
I think we all have these moments and other times we just drift off to sleep so nicely . Maybe we should run a study on this for when I Aget like that I am as mean as a hornet
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lol...aye, see whatcha mean. Good one. I enjoyed this.
Slayer
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wonderful description of how you are feeling, one can really feel the desperation and panic
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yeah..
that darn flu can sure do a number on you huh?
very easy to understand and frills piece..how refreashing! (not the subject matter, the just the way you pen it!)
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You poor thing!
You've made me feel sorry for you,
I hope this doesn't happen to often....
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wow
this is great, it has more than just emotions or words in this poem, this poem is something else, readng this, I can understand what your are going through and this is a fantastic way to say tht you are feeling domed without, it being chucked in your face, great peom and great work, hoope to read more soon
from jo -
This really left me with a feeling of anxiety and panic. Wow you are super at displaying your emotions. I am almost breathless now because you have me thinking of my darn bills and empathising with your worries. lol
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