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Distorted Love

Broken hearts and hipbones,
Shattered like minute fragments of opaque glass,
Dwindling and decaying my happiness,
Shrinking this special sunshine like a smile of mine,
Depression hits me like a thunderstorm,
it crashes down on me.

Since when did my life turn so melodramatic?
Acidic substances seem to have scoured away at my sweet summer sensations,
The cold, icy winter has taken over my summer
Depression, has taken over my happiness.

My head spins like a carousel,
Spinning,
spinning,
The distortion of the neon lights and flashing strobes of glowing rays
Sprinkles toxic dust upon my corrupted mind, it burns
And burns,
Sanity is out of sight now.
Darkness will take over me soon.

I remember my romantic affairs and over obsessive tendencies,
They float around my mindless self like mystical fairies,
dancing and frolicking like young children,
They sing they play, all happy and merry
Without any cares, without any worry,
But soon their own happiness will rot away,
Continuously like the weathering of cliffs…

They will rot soon,
They will rot away.
Like my trust in him,
The man I once loved.

The abuser…

Author notes

Jodie (Pinkjodz)

A contest entry

What do you think?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Kathraina silver member
    April 1

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very sad and somewhat dark write.
    Fantastic emotion portrayed here, and great imagery.
    Bravo!!!


    ♥ Kate


  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    September 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is magnificent. It is a meltdown of emotions, dripping with desperation and recognition. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.

    ♥
    whisper


  • nevadapoet
    September 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What a beautiful write, a great entry for this contest. A perfectly penned write with great flow and good imagery. Thank you for the entry. Keep the pen flowing...the pleasure was all mine.
    Nevadapoet


  • fairytalelovestory
    September 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i love it


  • Missa
    August 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i love the lines.
    "They will rot soon,
    They will rot away.
    Like my trust in him,
    The man I once loved.

    The abuser… "

    great write.

  • piccola silver member
    August 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    that first line is a killer. It graps and won't let go. Great write. I hear the song


  • Seven Kinky
    August 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    *heaves a dramatic sigh and shakes head* Abusers...amazing how they worm their way into our lives and just seem to take things over. Moving on is a wonderful thing. Cheers to reaching that point.


  • etoile
    August 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    'Shrinking this special sunshine like smile of mine'
    i liked that line; but it should be 'Shrinking this special sunshine like a smile of mine' because otherwise it doesnt flow as well

    'Acidic substances seem to have scoured away at my sweet summer sensations,
    The cold, icy winter has taken over my summer
    Depression, has taken over my happiness.
    I am forever unhappy.'
    ---
    i really liked the imagery in that stanza but i felt that it was kindof repetitive when you said 'depression has taken over my happiness I am forever unhappy'
    so maybe you can use a different word for unhappy or just take that line out.

    overall i loved this poem. it had everything i was looking for: imagery, emotion, proper spelling haha

    however i dont really like when people use '...' i feel that it disrupts the beauty and form of the poem, but that's just me. so if you're willing to change it (not that you have to) you can just put whatever is after the '...' to another line

    thanks for entering this was amazing & goodluck

1 - 8 of 8