Their happiness is a tinny laugh
echoing through the phoneline;
Brittle like stale crackers crushed
beneath red stilettos.
Unsteady as a baby taking her first steps.
Their love is as certain as Asia
before the earthquakes, and I am
Godzilla treading carefully. Walking
slowly, afraid to miss a beat.
One wrong move could create a tsunami.
Trying to tell you I'm not as nice as you
think was harder than it seems. Didn't believe
me when I said I wasn't so sweet. That's what
you like, isn't it? I tried to tell you.
I tried.
Bad intentions gone good and back to bad
again. Baked syphilis and cheesecake, I am
a treat and a disease. A fabulous disaster
you'll never forget.
But maybe you should.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Good writing!
This was written very well. I loved all the metaphors in this piece and I love how it flows without rhyme. This was a delight for me! I often find myself saying the same thing, people often jump the gun and say "Aww aren't you just nice?" .. I laugh and tell them "I am not as nice as you think I am" or "Really? I hadn't noticed." So I totally can relate to this piece. Very well done. This gets max clappies.
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thank you so much!
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NICE!
AWESOME! I loved it! One metaphoric high! I think this one is a brilliant piece of poetic pie!
POETDONTKNOWIT
WRITING IT HER OWN WAY
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I am
a treat and a disease. A fabulous disaster
you'll never forget.
But maybe you should.
wow. your writing is AMAZING.
I love the emotion you were able to portray without compromising the imagery. -
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thanks!!
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wow. i was very impressed by this poem, and not just because it was easy for me to relate it to my current relationshipt situation. i LOVED the phrase "fabulous disaster", and also enjoyed (though i don't know if it is intentional) your use of the word "sweet" in the second-to-last stanza, because of its relation to the 'treat' you write about in the final stanza.
thank you for an interesting read.
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ROFL! PWN THE NEWBIES!!!!
this was amazing. i live for cheesecake and syphilus. i'm going to bookmark this.
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This is a really interesting piece. I clicked on the shameless based on your "ad" and the poem did not disappoint.
"Baked syphilis and cheesecake" does sound a tad cliche though.......I kid, I kid
Nice write.
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Yeah, I've heard the phrase at least a thousand times
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Wow
I liked this a lot. The way you described everything was absolutely amazing! I can't even write how great this poem is!
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Thanks times a million!
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The switch between third and first person was a little strange (that doesn't mean I didn't like it; I do that a lot). I like the metaphors you picked because you are using big ideas and things to describe personal, individualized things.
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thank you! It was originally prose, and about halfway through I realised it sounded better in poetry form.
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You Rock.
Wow. The part of china and godzilla is brilliant, and brought a smile to my face as well as some awe. the ending, well that's what he said to me! I didn't listen, and maybe I should have, but I'm secretly glad I didn't because that cheesecake outweighs the syphilis tenfold.
Love it!
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thanks so much!
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Ur so emo! *is only half kidding* I do think you surprised me a bit with your slant on this, though. When you said Stephen's comment had inspired you I really thought it would be something funny. This is about as serious as it gets. I mean...syphilis...yikes. Nice write, girly.
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