Back then,
I turned away
when you held his hands
and ignored mine.
Yesterday,
I wanted
the smiles and hugs
you reserved for him.
Those days
when you stood under
his umbrella
and watched me walk home
in the pouring rain,
I thought I saw
a hesitant glance.
Before,
when I dreamt,
it was of your laughter
and how I wished
it was shared with me.
When rain falls,
I pretend that the tears
you shed that day
were for me and not for him.
Because back then,
it was I who wiped them
away for you.
A contest entry
- -Don't shoot me, I didn't ask for this.- (Relationship poems.) by Livingemptyspaces.
1200 points, ended September 24, 43 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
-
This is such a beautiful poem- and congrats on the gold. The flow was so smooth, I hope this didn't really happen to you. The ending was great and my favorite part was:
Those days
when you stood under
his umbrella
and watched me walk home
in the pouring rain
Thanks for sharing,
Claire
-
this is just awesome
thanks for sharing.. best luck in the contest
-
awww how sad. i loved the ending and i loved the perspective that you took. this is a great entry for that contest
-
aslk;d
NowthatI'mdonebashingmyheadagainstthekeyboard.
First- I'm going to ramble a bit about what this -did- to me.
You know what makes me -somad- rightnow? Back when I was 'inlove/(of course- teenage version) with another guy, this is so very similar to what he said to me. andnoweverythingisreversed. though- yea. I have no idea if he still has feelings for me- you'd think so,seeingashekissedme. But yea.
Now- This, by far- is my favorite piece read. I liked the short lines and kind of dripping down the page look. I liked your wording. I liked the simple, in your face, but not.. mad.. way you expressed the emotions.
Thank you for entering <3
-
heart wrenching this is...and I can feel the torn relationship between you and her...
still left
is my wondering mind
ive written very few emo poems...the one I have here says it all so simply
Mal
-
awww...this is so sad. It's amazing and very detailed. It painted a picture in my mind. I like that about a poem. Thank you for entering.
---prankstar -
I really really like the idea behind this piece. It could be improved, of course, but the foundations for an insanely beautiful write are here.
"when you stood under
his umbrella
and watched me walk home
in the pouring rain"
Very real, very heart-wrenching. Makes me want to give you a cuddle. X3
Well I liked the piece, in all its honest simplicity, so all is good. You made the finalists- Come to the next round.
Congrats! x
-
"when you stood under his umbrella and watched me walk home in the pouring rain." That is a great line! Thank you for entering.
-
Very heart touching, great job! Good luck in the contest!
-
Lovely and sentimental story!
-
Wow
I really like the way you opened up. Good job with this write. Thank you for entering my contest. Best of luck to you. -
Touching with a feeling of the pain the poem (you, I suppose) must have gone through, seeing those two together all the time.
-
*cry*
I really enjoyed this poem because of the emotion and I could somewhat relate. (sry you didn't make me really cry but it was sad.) I think this worked very well, short and attention grabbing. Ahh I read it again, nothing I would personally change, except maybe the title, but I'm not going to make a judgement based on that. So Bravo, your the first author I haven't super critiqued. LOL it was as close to PERFECT as people can get -
So stalkers have feelings too it seems.
-
This one tugged at my heart strings, emotional and well worded. Great imagery. Thanks for entering and best wishes,
Frogz~ -
i know how much it hurts to see that person with someone else
-
aww it reminded me of my fave song My Immortal.. thnak you for sharing this with me.. I feel the same way.. but they will learn when its jsut too late to go back.. thnaks for entering!
-
This one tugs at the heart, it is filled with many emtoins. The imagery of it all plays out well through your words.
Thanks for joining in,
Warm thoughts.
Frozentearz -
So sad and emotions well expressed...All the best!
-
Awww, this is beautiful! Good luck with your contest
Adding your comment:
1 - 20 of 20
