Adrenaline rushing,
my heart racing
Overwhelmed by fear,
I cannot breathe
I cry out for help,
but no one hears
I take my last breath,
I say one last prayer
For now my fate has been foretold,
my soul forever doomed
Author notes
i added this line
If anyone is out there,
save me
shud i take it off?
or make it help me?
A contest entry
- Prewrites. by She Stole My Voice.
300 points, ended September 21, 2008, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All 13 an Under Deep Poets Prt. 2 by Medina Regal.
700 points, ended October 14, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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either way it sounds amazing
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I think maybe you should just add
"save me"
at the end.
It's short and to the point.
Thank you for entering and good luck ♥
-rainbow. -
Oh what a great dark write you have penned here
thanks so much for your entry -
da last line is serious
i like da last line. should i take it off or make it help me. da struggle u have w/ dat in vicious. i like it alot
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Surley you believe someone is out there lest why would say a prayer. Believe it has been received and you will not be doomed
Joe
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i agree with the "save me" line.
great poem, u can feel the fear.
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If anyone is out there,
save me
i just added that what u think? -
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i accually just like the one line "save me" its quicker, like they dont have that long to say it. but it is ur choice.
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Really intense poem. Dark but good. It perfectly expresses the feeling of helpless.
I agree with Mandi, I don't think it needs another line. It's fine just how it is. But then again JinSays has a good idea with 'save me.'
Anyway, my favorite part was the second stanza,
"Overwhelmed by fear,
I cannot breathe"
It brings you into the poem.
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save me.
that'd be perfect, this is astounding my dear.
Truly...
either save me, or help me...one of those, what do ya think?
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k i just added this
If anyone is out there,
save me
what u think??
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very ggd its dark dangerous and entering the realm of the dead intresting
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This is a bit dark.
However it's a great write.
And ya know what i think i like
it just the way it is.
Yep i do. I don't think it
needs another line at all.
"For now my fate has been foretold,
my soul forever doomed"
That's the perfect ending!
There is nothing more to be said.
-Mandi
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If anyone is out there,
save me
i just added that
wut u think?
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