I work alongside the birds
unschooled and precious
we lick the feet
of moonlight
feeding off her
illustrious glow
Unkindness of ravens
I adore
as they share
luminary beauty
that penetrates
my darkness
Unfettered Gypsy heart
strings pull on verdant blades
in this silky harvest
intermingling
with thoughtful skies
and freedom plumes
laced in the color of night
We become drunk
on butterfly nectar
as I escape coincidence
and find synchronicity
_sliding
around me like a halo
I spread my wings
and fly
with toes skimming
the surface of this pool;
a mixture of sentimentality,
emotional instability
and moonbeams breaking
I draw simultaneous breaths
with fledgling friends
we look to heaven
eyes brimming
with eternal questions
that patiently burn
while answers billow
in gathering clouds
breaking unseen barriers
revealing what was there all along
in our caged hearts
begging to be free
A contest entry
- Princess of Crows by Gypsie Ink.
300 points, ended August 18, 2008, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I love feedback, good or bad. I just want to get better so give me honest opinions
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Rich in metaphor.
So glad I clicked.
Be well.
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original
I loved it. Flowed very nicely
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What a beautiful image of freedom--oh and yes of synchronicity!
Indeed, if there is one gift of freedom, of letting go of all those barriers that hold our dreams and desires, it's the miracle of synchrony--the awesomeness of how all of nature seem to flow in choreographed spontaneity.
You have a lot of wonderful metaphors and lines here.
"as I escape coincidence and find synchronicity _sliding around me like a halo"
i had to stop though about the use of an underscore instead of long dash there.
"we look to heaven eyes brimming with eternal questions that patiently burn while answers billow in gathering clouds breaking unseen barriers"
i love the wisdom invoked in those lines
The first stanza would pull anyone in. You painted such a glowing image. It's like a dainty chain of pearls.
Actually you crafted fine imagery in all of the stanzas, although I have some hesitation with the lines
" a mixture of sentimentality,
emotional instability"
in the fifth stanza. To me, it would have been more consistent if you 'show' images of these expressions or emotions rather than 'tell' them. I'm actually excited what you could have weaved for these lines having seen all these that you have written in this piece. Maybe something to match "moonbeams breaking"
which to me makes a meaningful image.
I really find this a beautiful write. I'm glad I came here.
mornings,
joy
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Thanks so much for your kind comments
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Excellent poem
I greatly enjoyed reading this poem with its beautiful imagery and emotional appeal. It so often seems to be true that the answers to our questions already lie within us. Must read more of your poems. -
nice
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Beautiful imagery! I love the line:
'we lick the feet
of moonlight'
Conjures a feeling of a night flight with a fresh breeze beneath the wings.
I also loved:
'Unkindness of ravens
I adore
as they share
luminary beauty
that penetrates
my darkness'
Suggests a love for those normally unloved.
The first and last lines work well together as they and the birds 'work' together and both want their freedom.
Wonderful! Thank you for sharing.
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<3
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That is amazing piece of work. Terrific imagery and wonderful use of language. I really enjoyed reading it.
Congratulations.
Slayer
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Wow, love the flow and the word choice. Nice Work!
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Perhaps
Perhaps the words and wishes for a new age to be. freedom of the heart, mind and soul. To be lifted towards the heavens and know... I am truly free. The gods are smiling on you poet.
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Stunning!
I love "we lick the feet of moonlight" and "synchronicity _sliding around me like a halo" A beautiful and divine write. Thank you for your exquisite entry and best of luck in my contest.
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